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anxiety

April 28 2020

The Case Against Social Distancing

Tobi Schwartz-Cassell Moving right along anxiety, Best South Jersey Girls Night Out, Coronavirus, COVID-19, depression, Girls Night In, girls night out, isolation, loneliness, online events, Physical distancing, Social distancing, South Jersey Girls Night In, South Jersey Girls Night Out, South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun, virtual events, Zoom birthday party, Zoom funeral, Zoom Shiva 2

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Six-feet apart is still the order of the day, as we watch COVID-19 cases and death counts heartbreakingly mount.

But must we call what we are doing “social distancing?” Wouldn’t “physical distancing” make more sense? I ask because the last thing we should be doing now is being socially distant from one another.

With so many suffering from depression, anxiety, isolation and loneliness, the last thing we need to be is mentally, emotionally and socially distant from each other.

Trust me, I am a staunch advocate for physical distancing. It’s what the scientists are telling us to do. And if I’m going to take advice from anyone, it’s going to be a scientist. Stan and I consider ourselves beyond blessed to be able to stay safely in our apartment. And, we have the deepest of gratitude and respect for the essential workers who put their lives on the line for us–and everyone else–every single day. We request on their behalf, continued good physical and mental health. If anyone deserves it it’s them. Yes, the economy is important. But if most of the population dies from a global pandemic, the economy will too.

So, I’m not against the concept of social distancing. I’m against the terminology that was chosen to describe it.

On Sunday, we attended a Zoom funeral in Central Jersey for my dear friend Debbie’s father, a victim of the Coronavirus. After that, we “traveled” to a Zoom birthday party in Abington for our future daughter-in-law, Christine. The day ended back in Central Jersey, with a Zoom Shiva (Jewish prayer service to honor the person who passed away, and to support those who are mourning that person). We hit 3 destinations in two states, yet we didn’t move one inch to go from one milestone event to the next. One of my friends pointed out that as much of a roller coaster day it was for us, there was one undeniable constant—love. (You nailed it, Kathy.)

Though we were physically distancing for all three functions, the last thing we were doing was socially distancing. It wasn’t the preferred way for the mourners or for our birthday girl, but the alternative would have been disappointment for Christine and loneliness for Debbie.

So, as we continue to live through this unprecedented time in our lives, never lose sight of the most important four-letter word we have in our arsenal: Love. Share it with those you live with, and those who are living alone, and those living in a dangerous (abusive*) situation.

Sending you my love,
❤,

PS: Who are you celebrating and/or memorializing during this difficult time, and how are you doing it? Have you bought stock in Zoom yet? Please let us know in the comments below.

PPS: Here’s one way to stay socially close to those who are near or far—our online events. And join us on Facebook for support and laughter at South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun. Everyone is welcome, no matter where you live!

*PPPS: I hope you don’t need this, but if you do, please contact the New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 572-SAFE (7233), 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Or call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. Click here for a variety of resources for those living in New Jersey.

March 17 2019

Resolving Our Fear

Tobi Schwartz-Cassell Moving right along anxiety, Bravery, calm, courage, dread, Fear, fearless, Scared 13

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Fear.

We all face it.

Maybe your Achilles’ heel is elevators. Maybe it’s public speaking. Or fear of bugs or snakes, or worse–fear of not fitting into last year’s swimsuit. Hey, guess what? It’s real, and it’s deep.

And, okay, I’ll be honest. One of my greatest fears is medical appointments. And by writing this article, it occurred to me that this fear is most likely based on events from my childhood. Spanning ages five to 10, I was in and out of the hospital, and there was a lot of poking and prodding involved. So, I’m guessing that fear has hung on through the decades, which is why I have doc appointments all stacked up. But they are stacked up in my mind, not on my calendar.

In his book, “The Bravest You,“ Adam Kirk Smith wrote about the top 10 fears that hold people back. They include:

Fear of Inadequacy
Fear of Uncertainty
Fear of Failure
Fear of Rejection
Fear of Missing Out (also known as FOMO)
Fear of Change
Fear of Losing Control
Fear of Being Judged
Fear of Something Bad Happening
Fear of Getting Hurt

After spelling out the 10 fears, he details his five-step Bravery Process™ which includes:

Complacency
Inspiration
Fear
Passion
Bravery

Smith, a life coach, also first encountered fear in his childhood. But instead of experiencing it in a hospital like I did, he observed it in church. As he matured, he was able to see things from a different perspective, “When I finally understood that fear was the one thing keeping me from fully connecting with people and giving more of myself to the world, I began to understand why the angry man who scolded us in church all those years ago was disgusted with fear. His message that had since haunted me was completely wrong—fear will come, it is necessary, and is many times an indicator that we are on the right track—but telling us to fight fear with everything inside ourselves was a message that we all need to hear.”

Mo Gawdat is the Chief Business Officer at Google (X). He wrote the book, “Solve for Happy,” and offers his take on fear, “Many kids cry on the first day of kindergarten. They stomp their feet and scream because they’re afraid.

“Then, a few hours or days later, they’re okay. They even like it. What’s the magical transformation that takes place? Does kindergarten change to match their expectations? Not at all. Nothing changes. But when they face their fear, they realize that playing with other kids all day is not bad after all.

“We do this over and over. Some of us fear confronting a bully; some fear making our first presentation; some fear leaving a bad relationship; some fear walking up to a stranger and saying hello. But when we act in spite of our fear, we realize that there is nothing to fear. It’s challenging at first, but once you overcome your fear, you realize it was well worth the effort.”

I’ll keep that in mind as I start making phone calls to all those doctors. Tomorrow.

❤,

PS: I shared my fear with you, and if you are comfortable, I hope you’ll share yours in the comment section below. If it makes you feel better, you can start it out with, “I have a friend who is scared to death of…” Don’t worry. I won’t tell. 😉