Please Note: It’s August 7, 2019, and these have been busy, roller-coaster weeks for me. I haven’t been able to think clearly enough to write my monthly blog post. So, I am re-running one of my favorite “From the Editor” columns from an issue of Girlfriendz Magazine. That’s the regional magazine I created in 2006–specifically for Baby Boomer Women of South Jersey. Sadly, I had to fold the magazine in December 2013, but Franks & Beans Events was born from Girlfriendz, and for that, I am forever grateful to “her.”   

I have always been, and always will be, a Barbie Girl. My collection started with a hand-me-down Barbie and her sparse wardrobe. She had a long blonde ponytail–just like the one in this picture–except mine had only one leg.

I didn’t even want to speculate on what had happened to the amputated limb. I just avoided dressing her in the pants she showed up with, and opted instead for her long, pink ballgown.

On my birthday, my parents gave me a brand-new Barbie with all four appendages and a beautiful platinum blonde “bubble” hairdo. I was positively euphoric! Barbie and Barbie had a lot of fun together, as did I, their puppeteer.

As time went on, Ken joined in to make it a platonic threesome. The Barbies’ wardrobe grew, with both store-bought clothes and handmade pieces my mom would design and knit for them. Those girls were stylin’! But when they’d get dressed up to step out for the evening, all Ken had to choose from was a golf ensemble or swim trunks.

Eventually, Ken and the Barbies acquired a knock-off “11.5-inch doll” doctor’s office with cardboard snap-together furniture. Ken was instantly awarded his M.D., complete with a doctor’s white coat. One of the Barbies got a nurse’s uniform with a starched white cap. It sounds kind of weird now, but this was the 60s and though Mattel made career clothes for Barbie, they didn’t make attire for female doctors or male nurses. 

Just the other day, I convened a business meeting with Catherine and BJ, and somehow, we got onto the subject of Barbies. (Yes, this is what happens when women meet for business—or at least for Girlfriendz Magazine business.) We eventually got back on topic, but before we did, BJ told us about her typical Barbie family with Barbie, Ken and Skipper. I’m guessing Ken was an insurance agent, Barbie was a homemaker and president of the PTA, and Skipper was a typical fifth grade girl who turned her nose up at spinach. Catherine’s Barbies, on the other hand, only owned outfits that corresponded to a career. She remembers naming one of her Barbies “Tina,” and writing curt notes to Ken like:

Make your own dinner tonight, Ken.
Signed,
Tina

Catherine did not remember what Ken had done to provoke Barbie’s…I mean Tina’s…ire. And just like with my uni-leg Barbie, I chose not to speculate.

Eventually, Tressy joined my collection. (Remember her?) She had a short brown haircut with a ponytail at the top of her head. You could pull that ponytail all the way down to her feet! I never could figure out where all that hair was hidden, and didn’t put two and two together as to why she had a belly button that when pushed, sucked her hair back into her head. But again, I chose not to speculate.

Rounding out my collection was “Hi Heidi.” Much shorter than the 11.5-inch dolls, all she owned was the red dress on her back. But who cared? When you pushed the button on her tummy, her right arm would whip up toward the sky as if she were saying, “Hi!”

So, there they were—My Barbie Collection: Ken, Tressy, Hi Heidi, Barbie and Barbie. They made a cozy, sexless home in the cardboard doctor’s office (my parents couldn’t afford an actual Mattel Barbie Dream House) and they all lived happily ever after.

Until…

One Saturday afternoon when I was in middle school, I decided to visit my old Barbie Collection. I went down to the basement and couldn’t find it. My mom told me she and my dad had given it away. Gone. Lock, stock and doctor’s office. I was furious! How could they have done this to me?!

Naturally, my mom apologized profusely for not having checked with me first. She and my dad had assumed I wasn’t interested in playing with dolls anymore. Annoyed, I accepted the apology because I knew it was sincere. After all, they were correct in their assumption. But it took a long time to get over it.

I eventually did, of course, especially after they told me who they’d given it to. He was a man my dad worked with. They were a family in need and my parents wanted to help. So, my Barbie Collection became his daughter’s Christmas present that year. And this time, I allowed myself to speculate.

I envisioned her having a lot of fun with Barbie, Barbie, Hi Heidi and Tressy. Ken, too, even though his flocked hair had rubbed away long before. I’d taken care of business with a black magic marker and he looked just fine. In fact, the whole thing was fine because Nameless Little Girl was giving my old Barbies a new life.

It wasn’t until years later that I realized what my parents really had in mind. Though the phrase “paying it forward” wasn’t in usage back then, that’s what they were doing.

And it all started with some really nice person at my dad’s work who, so many years before, had given him a blonde one-legged Barbie doll to give to his daughter.

❤,

PS: My story has a second happy ending. My dear, childhood friend Barbara (who used to play Barbies with me) went on eBay and found an exact duplicate of my platinum blonde “bubble” hairdo Barbie, and gave it to me for my 40^th birthday.

PPS: What’s your Barbie story? Did you have any of the ones I had? Which ones did you have? Please share it with me below.

BTW, the dolls pictured above were not mine. They are representative of the ones that my parents “paid forward.”

AND FINALLY, if those Barbie dolls at the very top of this page don’t look familiar to you, please consider joining our closed Facebook group, South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun.

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Are you in a problematic relationship?

Are you feeling stuck in your life, but have no idea how to move forward?

Are you wondering why you’re here on earth, or what your true purpose is?

Are you in a labyrinth of challenges and can’t see your way out?

Numerology can help.

If you’ve seen a particular sequence of numbers lately–like the one at the left–or 1111 or 333 or 1212, these are examples of numerology. But this modality is so much more.

“Your name and birthday provide a code that lays out your entire life’s plan,” says Numerologist Traci Rosenberg. “and many people consider it a life changing event, because we uncover their challenges, their special gifts and their life opportunities.”

People who seek out Traci do so because they feel trapped in a difficult relationship, or they’re stagnating in a career that doesn’t serve them. She provides them with clarity, and helps them figure out the steps to move forward, then provides the support to get them there.

This is why Franks & Beans Events has chosen Traci to be one of our two readers at our August 14^th Private-Readings Psychic Dinner. Join us for a BYOB dinner, prizes, and a personal 10-minute reading with either Traci or with our Psychic Medium Judy Dingler. Both of these women are extremely accurate and provide compassionate counsel. 

Join us for our next Private-Readings Psychic Dinner, a fun and healing dinner event at our brand new venue—The Legacy Diner in Audubon. Tickets are limited so that everyone who comes is assured a reading. And, we’ve implemented a new aspect to this event that allows you to schedule your reader and your appointment time as soon as you buy your ticket.

See you then!

❤,  

PS: Don’t forget! Our next Signature Psychic Dinner featuring Psychic Medium Judy Dingler is next week! Tickets are selling fast, so get yours by clicking here.

AND! Bring a friend and you’ll both be entered for a prize drawing with a giveaway valued at $250! Click here for more information.

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Click here to hear it again, or for the first time

In the 80s, on “Saturday Night Live,” Billy Crystal made famous this observation: “It’s not how you feel, it’s how you look, and you look “Mah-velous.”

Funny, right?

But Billy got it wrong. At least according to Becky Ready Ph.D. of the American Board of Professional Psychology. “Feeling younger than one’s biological age is sign of health,” says Dr. Ready in her July 9, 2018 article in Psychology Today. “And it predicts lower mortality, positive expectations, and better cognitive abilities. Thus, feeling younger means doing better.”

I sought out and read that article after asking my usual “Question of the Day” on Franks and Beans’ closed Facebook Group, South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun.

My question was, “How old do you feel? And if you’re okay with it, tell us how old you are.”

Never expecting women to actually give their ages, I was really surprised that they did! I am including their very inspiring comments, below, but am not using their names in order to preserve their anonymity.

So, how old do YOU feel?

I’m 52. Since I’ve never been this age before, I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like, so I have no complaints about feeling 52! I think how we feel is not so much a reflection of age but of attitude and life lived.

 (NOTE: This respondent is referring to a project that she lovingly and successfully spearheaded to honor her deceased mother-in-law): I am 38, but after completing that Chemo Comfort Bag project yesterday, I feel like I’m 88. I’m not used to days and hours of physical labor.

 53. And I love my age and I love life; it’s amazing. After yesterday, I am emotionally tired. But still, life is amazing.

I am 44 and feel 16!!!💕

I will be 62 next week and I feel like 31. I’m joyful, and forever learning!!

Depends on the day and circumstances.

 It depends on the day, how I’m feeling and what I’m doing. Some days I feel like I’m 21, other days I feel like I’m 81. I’m actually 58.

 I am 60 and some days I feel much older; when my knees and hips creak and my mind goes into CRS mode (Can’t Remember Shit). Then, blessedly, there are days when I feel like I am in my 20s, rambunctious and wild-woman-esque. Not that those two states are mutually exclusive.

 Some days I feel 35, some days 70, LOL. I turn 50 this year.

 I am 58 but age is a state of mind. 👍 Some days I feel older (depending on the weather), LOL😊

 I’m 48. Mentally, I feel 28 and physically, I feel 88! I’ve had Arthritis since I was 8 in my right knee and now it’s in a lot more places.

I’m going to be 69 in March, and most days feel 40, if not younger! I consider myself very blessed. I had bariatric surgery almost 8 years ago, lost 145 pounds, and many health issues were resolved. I have a “New Lease” on life now.

46. I feel….46. LOL!

I’m 35. Mentally I feel my age but physically I feel 60 considering I’ve already had two spinal surgeries and have arthritis, LOL.

I feel great! I will be 53 in March. I survived two bouts of advanced stage ovarian cancer & beat the statistics & am still alive to tell about it!! Over 8 years in remission!! My daughter was 13 when I was first diagnosed in 2007 – I was determined to beat it! I have a strong faith in God & it wasn’t my time yet! This is why I love the song, “Live like you are dying.” I took trips & did things I never would have done had I not been faced with cancer! All we have is today, so make it the best day you can! Don’t waste the days worrying about the past or future! Stay in the moment!! God Bless Us All!! 🙏🏻💕

 I feel fantastic. I’m in my 62nd year of life. Age is a state of mind and I feel different ages depending on who I’m with and what I’m doing. I’ve been diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease called PBC and not giving up any time soon. Don’t stop moving. Exercise daily. Feed your body only pure, unprocessed foods in moderate portions. Great question for SJ Girls!

 I don’t feel a day over 50 and I am 72. I go to the gym every day, take spin, Pilates, QueenX and walk 3-5 miles a day. We travel, and we have been married 50 years. Where has the time gone? 😊

 I’m 57, feel like I’m in my 30s, and will never “act my age” to make other people happy.

 I was 65 in June. Still feel 50, Ha! I can still attend those Eagles games and cheer like a rock star. Go Birds! 🦅🦅🦅

 This is a great question! I turn 58 on Jan 22nd. Somedays I feel great, like I’m 30 years old again. And then there are the days I feel mentally and physically much older. Those days are getting better, however.

 I’m 61…never had aches or pains…except after weight lifting! It would be 3-4 days of sore muscles. Now that I’m using HGH gel, I’m only sore for maybe a day…face is looking younger, too!

 l am 64, but feel 30 years younger. Thanks to beginning a regime of regularly working out about 20 years ago, l can do things physically that l couldn’t do in my 30s. I am on no prescription medication and except for carpal tunnel from decades on a computer, have no medical issues. I just wish my mirror would reflect what’s in my mind.

I’m about to be 51, and am always proud to admit it, as I’ve worked hard to look this good at my age. Healthy diet, yoga, a good attitude, and lots of moisturizer!

So how old are you? How old do you feel? Please comment below. But you don’t have to give your age if you don’t want to. 😊

❤

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Photo source: @ArtsyVibes on Unsplash

In the spring, at Passover, there is an empty chair at the Seder table. There’s also an additional, full cup of wine on the table. They’re there for the Prophet Elijah, who visits everyone’s Seder. Each year we hope this will be the one when Elijah announces the coming of the Messiah. There’s a point in the service when we go to the front door and open it for him. My daughter has finally figured out that when she comes back to the table and finds his empty cup of wine, it’s either my husband or my brother-in-law Martin who has chugged it down, and not Elijah.

In December, though our family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, we join our honorary family who does. Every Christmas Eve, we come to The Qs, arms loaded with presents. And when we leave, our arms are loaded even heavier with presents. But Christmas Eve has never been about the presents. It’s always been about who is there to celebrate with us.

This year will be my 27^th (40^th) year to celebrate with this extraordinary family. It will be my husband’s 31^st (39^th). Along the way, we were joined by my parents, sister, brother-in-law (the one who switches off chugging the wine with my hubby), and nephew and our “adopted” sister/aunt, Phyllis. Twenty-two years ago (30 years ago), our son came onboard and 13 years ago (21 years ago), our daughter.

All was joyous until one year (2001), one chair became empty. My mom’s. That was a very difficult Christmas. Even more difficult was the year my dad’s chair became empty (2004), not just because his was the Special Chair but because it was one more chair that was vacated (and because we’d always enjoy his broad smiles when our dear “NeNeNa” would present him with his own personal homemade lasagna to take home—just one of her many gifts to him.)

This year (2005), there’s going to be another empty chair.

Just this week, the Qs—our honorary family—lost Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary was lively, funny, fun-loving—and just plain loving—and a fixture at Christmas Eve. This year, her chair will be empty, and we’re all wondering what Christmas Eve is going to feel like.

Yesterday was Aunt Mary’s funeral. My cherished friend (the one who brought us into the Q Family), gave the eulogy. She spoke of everything that made Aunt Mary special. And she shared lots of stories—or at least the ones she could share inside a church. And it got me thinking about empty chairs.

I realized that empty chairs are never really empty when they are full of the precious memories created with the dear ones who occupied them.

Happy holidays to you and your family, and to the special people with whom you celebrate.

♥,

PS: On behalf of the Franks & Beans Family, Molly & Martin, Kim & Bruce, Linda & Marvin, Stan, Jardin & me, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanzaa, and our wish that you receive all good things in 2019.

One person administering Reiki, while another person receives it. It is helpful to both of them!

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Most of us have heard of Reiki (pronounced Ray-Key), but maybe we don’t know exactly what it is. And it’s hard to describe, unless you’ve experienced it. But even then, it’s hard to define.

I have experienced it and I still can’t explain it, other than when it was over it felt like I’d woken up from a nice, long nap. But instead of waking up cranky, I felt great!

But Reiki is so much more than that. So, I asked two Reiki Practitioners to shed some light on this ancient holistic phenomenon: Bridget Papagno, aka the Essential Lightworker, a Reiki Master, and Karen Drosnes, Reiki Level II Practitioner,  owner of Soul Connection Holistic Coaching.

Tobi Schwartz-Cassell: What is Reiki?

Bridget Papagno, Reiki Master and owner of Essential Lightworker

Bridget Papagno: Reiki is one of the holistic techniques used to help reduce stress and promote relaxation and healing. We conduct the healing by “laying on hands,” which is based on the idea that “life force energy” flows through us.
Karen Drosnes: Life force energy is what keeps us alive. If a person’s life force energy is low, she or he is more likely to get sick or feel stressed. If it’s high, that person is more capable of being healthy and happy.

TSC: Is Reiki like a massage in that you have to remove your clothes?
KD: No. When coming in for a Reiki treatment, you remain fully clothed. But just like massage, you can lay on a table or sit in a chair.

TSC: What can a client expect when she or he comes to you for the first time?
BP: The Reiki practitioner will place their hands on parts of your body—with your permission, of course!—while sending intentions of love and healing to you. She or he will channel Reiki energy to you through their palm chakras.
KD: It’s possible that you might notice sensations where the practitioner’s hands are. People often do. Heat and subtle movement can also be felt, sometimes. Or, you may notice that areas of your body become more open, and feel more comfortable. If you came in with pain, it will likely diminish, and possibly disappear.
BP: But keep in mind, that no matter where the Reiki practitioner’s hands are, no matter how relaxed that light contact might make you feel, the most important benefit of Reiki healing is what’s happening inside your body. And that’s the best part, because that’s where your body remembers what it knows best—how to heal itself.

TSC: Are there any dangers in receiving Reiki?
BP: There are no known risks, and Reiki has been practiced for at least 3,000 years! There is no known danger associated with it. But as with everything, you need to check out anyone you’re considering going to for any Energy healing, whether it’s Reiki, acupuncture, acupressure or massage. Not every practitioner is right for you, and that’s okay!
KD: You need to be comfortable with someone you are allowing to work in your energy, so you will receive the most out of your treatment. Also important for you to know is that Reiki is not a religion or specific spiritual belief system. It’s open to all energy, meaning everyone—humans, pets and even objects!

Karen Drosnes, Reiki Level II Practitioner, owner of Soul Connection Holistic Coaching

TSC: What are the benefits of Reiki?
BP: Reiki promotes health and wellbeing by assisting with pain management, encouraging mental clarity, releasing stress, relieving depression, and reducing anxiety.
KD: It also aids relaxation, improves sleep, soothes digestion, strengthens self-esteem, heightens self-awareness and intuition, and even offers support for substance abuse recovery.

TSC: What do you, as a Reiki Practitioner, get out of it?
KD: Being of service to others is my purpose here on Earth as a Light Being. As I assist others in their healing process, I too receive healing of the mind, body and Soul and we all have something to heal from. My heart fills with joy when others receive just what they need to live a more healthy and fulfilling life.
BP: What I get out of giving Reiki is healing and joy. I am a channel for the energy, so it flows through me, to you. Witnessing people leave my office feeling lighter, relaxed and in less discomfort, warms my heart EVERY TIME.  Watching them experience their own body’s ability to heal is amazing. I truly appreciate every client who allows me to help them help themselves.

TSC: What is a Reiki Share?
BP: Rather than one-on-one practice, we come together in community. We gather for an evening of well-intentioned people, joyfully and carefully using healing energy! Everyone there has a chance to both give and receive Reiki. No experience is required. Depending on how many people are present, everyone usually spends about 8-15 minutes on the table and the rest of the time offering to others. You will get Reiki from a whole bunch of people at once. (Click here for Bridget’s Reiki Share schedule)

TSC: What can someone expect to pay for a Reiki session?
Both Karen and Bridget agreed that the cost of a session in our area ranges between $60 and $130 per hour.

Readers, have you ever had Reiki? Would you recommend it to a friend? Do you administer Reiki? If so, what are your thoughts about it? I’d love to know you think of Reiki, so please comment below.

Hope to see you at our Dec 6 Women’s Shopping Expo! Bridget and Karen will both be there! It’s FREE but you MUST register. Click here for the info.

Click here for info on Bridget Papagno

Click here for info on Karen Drosnes

❤

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Some of us are happy to say ‘so long’ to the heat, humidity and frizzy hair of summer. Others, like me, approach the end of summer with dread, and the only way I can bear it is knowing that there’s another one just around the corner.

Not that I love living through 90-degree days. I just know how blessed I am to be able to hide out in my air-conditioned apartment when the going gets tough.

What I will miss is the freedom. The freedom to leave the house with wet hair, toss on easy-breezy clothes (not in that order) and eat food from an outdoor grill. But mostly, I hate the cold.

Hate.

It.

Among my friends, I’m in the minority. They love the crisp weather, colorful leaves, pumpkin-flavored coffees, blah…blah…blah…

So, I turned to my 950+ friends in our Franks & Beans’ Facebook Group—South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun—and asked, “Are you happy to see summer end?” And, as always, they came through.

In the “I’ll Miss Summer” Camp:

• KW: “Not happy. Life circumstances shortened my time to enjoy the summer. I also don’t enjoy less daylight. Let’s rewind at least 4 weeks, take out rain and humidity, and have the temp at 85 or below.”
• CP: “No, I love the hot weather. I am, however, tired of the humidity, rain (devastated my garden tomatoes) and uneven temperatures. I hate snow, cold, and especially ice!”
• MM: “No. I do love fall weather, but I’m always sad when summer ends, kids go back to school, and crazy activities start again.”
• MR-C: “No, because it means winter is on the way ☹.”
• SFK: “No. I hate the cold weather. I love long days and warm weather.”
• JCK: “I miss seeing my grandchildren whenever I want.”
• JW: “Never happy to see it end!!! Love being able to walk outside as you are–flip flops, shorts etc. Hate being bundled up, (sweaters, coats), am so happy not wearing shoes and socks, and most of all don’t enjoy being cold. And it gets dark early. The fall depresses me. Give me long days of sunshine and heat! Another summer perk-local summer produce!” (Note from Tobi: YES, YES, YES! 😘)
• LH: “No I love the warm weather, long summer nights. It always seems like there is more time to do things at night after work.”
• LAG: “I would’ve enjoyed the summer more if it hadn’t been so humid this past season. However, I do like longer days, not looking forward to cold weather.”
• SR: “No. I know that the shorter days are coming after summer ends.”
• EAW: “I for one am not happy to see summer end. I can’t tolerate the cold or snow anymore. I hate it, don’t want to deal with it at all.”
• LSY: “Love summer at the beach!”
• RLS: “Never want to see it end. I’m a beach person and I look forward to it all year.”
• MD: “No. Don’t want the cold weather yet.”
• GMG: “Noooooo…I love summer!”
• PP: “Summers are just too short! I love the long, lazy, crazy days- nothing like daylight til 9pm. Keeps me motivated to get things done with time left to just enjoy. And then there’s the beautiful blue ocean, the refreshing scent of the salt water, and the sandy beaches. Need I say more?”
• NH: “No, as I was away most of the summer and would love some beach time. September is supposed to be lovely. I’m counting on it.”

And those who are happy to see the summer end:

• SB: “Yes. I am tired of the heat!”
• CD: “Yes. I hate heat and humidity.”
• SC: “Yes! Love cool weather!”
• MK: “Me too!”
• JC: “Cool weather begins, holidays are rolling around the corner, the atmosphere is calmer and fun. Sweaters, long pants, scarves and beautiful colors.”
• BT: “I love the fall colors and cool breezes and opening the windows.”
• JP: “Fall is my favorite season! I love the gorgeous changing leaves, the cooler, more breathable air, the lack of mosquitoes, which love me so, Halloween and Thanksgiving, and the promise of new beginnings. However, what I do lament is how quickly the season went and that we didn’t do more “summery” things like go to the boardwalk. I only went to the beach once. But, I must admit I love Fall on the beach because it’s less crowded, more comfortable and we can let the dogs run free!”
• MRD: “Fall is my favorite season though I do love the warm weather, but not this summer. Did not enjoy it and unfortunately, due to some health issues with my husband, we were not able to do much of anything this summer. Hoping and praying for better days ahead.”
• MP: “Yep! I’m ready for fall colors and Halloween decorations!”
• MM: “No more bugs! Also the air conditioning in my car is broken. Not looking forward to shoveling snow though.”
• DH: “Yes! I know I’m in the minority but I love a crisp fall day! Burning my apple candles, sleeping with the windows open, and pot roast!”
• BWU: “Yes! Fall is the best. Not a big fan of heat and humidity.”
• LB: “As I’ve gotten older, the change in seasons has gotten more bittersweet … I’m always glad to see Spring and I’m equally sad to realize there’s one less Winter in front of me.”
• RSI: “Love swimming in our pool….love wearing flip flops….do not love heat and humidity….do not love bugs (of any kind, except maybe butterflies and ladybugs)…..love fall crisp weather….love the Jewish High Holidays, Halloween and Thanksgiving….SO….yes I am ready to move ahead to fall!”

A different perspective from a Florida Girl who used to be a South Jersey Girl:

• AR: “Not happy to see summer end because of the snow birds who show for the winter. Yes, happy to see summer end because the heat will leave soon, I hope.”

And then there are three women who summed it up for all of us:

• MC: “I love summer but that being said, I’m looking forward to refreshing, breathable weather. The heat and humidity were off the charts this year. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons. Fall and winter not so much.”
• PQ: “I miss the longer hours of sunlight and the feeling of freedom, but I’m OK with fall coming (but NOT winter).”
• KT: “Yes and no. I like it warm, beach, pool, pretty gardens, lightweight clothing. Really dislike HUMIDITY!!! Like the cool of fall, pretty leaves. Winter stinks!”

Thank you to everyone who answered. And if you didn’t get the chance, I’d love to know your thoughts: Are you going to miss summer? Why? Simply comment below.

See you in the fall!

❤

By Dawn Watson, Guest Blogger,
Authordawnowatson@gmail.com 

I grew up poor. Not homeless poor, but the kind of poor where I had to start working when I was 14 to contribute to the household. It’s just how it was.

My mother had to look for bargains everywhere, including the grocery store. We clipped coupons until our fingers were calloused, looked for sales and substituted cheaper ingredients than what recipes called for. I was 18 before I realized you were expected to add hamburger to Hamburger Helper in order to complete the dish.

I packed my lunch bag with cheese ends and bologna ends between slices of expired bread and took a knife with me to cut the worms out of my over-ripe apple. For supper, we had unlabeled cans of food and ate whatever was in them; they were cheaper because shoppers had to guess their contents, which was fun for us, imagining what was in them.

The one item we could eat to our heart’s content was cabbage and boy, did we eat a lot of it! Boiled, boiled then fried, boiled then fried with bologna ends, in soups, with a dab of mayonnaise as a salad, grated with a dab of mayo for coleslaw. Our house forever smelled of cabbage.

I’ve always had a bad stomach and I remember how I suffered from “Cabbage Overload” even as a kid. My entrance into a room was usually followed by the question, “What in the world is that smell?” It’s cabbage, Dude.

I stopped eating the stuff when I nabbed my first boyfriend because I didn’t want the house (or me) to stink. My mother was upset but I was anorexic by then so it didn’t really matter what she made—I wasn’t going to eat it. Besides, I had a pretty decent part-time job so I could buy the groceries and watch happily as she chowed down on roast beef and fried chicken with fresh vegetables.

My boyfriend loved fast food and would sometimes bring over bags of McDonald’s hamburgers and French fries and we’d all sit there gorging ourselves. I’d stop eating for two or three days after that to maintain my figure but boy, those binges were awesome! And not a cabbage leaf in sight!

Years later, whenever my Irish husband requested corned beef and cabbage I would make idle promises and then ‘forget’ to make it.

On our 15th wedding anniversary, we decided to go to a fancy French restaurant to celebrate. The waiters were polished, the background music was romantic, and my husband, who had been taking language lessons from a taped program, ordered from the menu in French.

“Choux farci, s’il vous plait,” he told the waiter. I was impressed.

The wine flowed and we flirted with one another shamelessly until our waiter returned, balancing two cloches. He served Madame first, whisking off the cloche as though unveiling a masterpiece.

My smile faded as I caught a whiff of a familiar smell.

“What is this?” I asked him.

“Choux farci, Madame,” he replied airily. “Stuffed cabbage.”

My husband watched intently as I took my first bite. “Good?” he asked. “I know you don’t like cooking it so I thought it would be fun to have someone else make it for us.”

I had never told him about my cabbage-laced history and therefore knew he was innocent of any prank. I must admit that the dish was good, the evening was wonderful, and it ended with us dancing to C’est Si Bon sung by Yves Montand, after dinner as it was broadcast by speakers in the parking lot.

Both my husband and my mother are gone, now and occasionally I buy a head of cabbage and cook it up just like my mother used to. The smell is no longer repulsive; it’s nostalgic, part of the store of my fondest memories, along with clipping coupons and thrifty shopping.

And sometimes when I’m grocery shopping I buy a few unlabeled cans, just for the fun of it.

PS from Tobi: Can you relate to Dawn’s story? Tell us yours in the comment section below.

Dawn Watson is the author of nine books, writes for her blog “Just Sayin'” and for a local newspaper. She has two adult children, is a dog trainer and owner of Brother of the Wolf since 2008, is a service dog trainer, and was widowed in 2011. Contact Dawn at Authordawnowatson@gmail.com.

by Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Many of you know about my new Facebook Group called South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun. It’s an amazing group of women of all ages who hang out, boost each other’s confidence, ask for and give advice, and share a few giggles. Each weekday, I ask a question and the incredible members of the group give me the most fun and thoughtful answers.

The other day, I asked, “What’s the weirdest thing you wore in high school?” Overwhelmingly the answer was those ugly, awful blue gym suits. Wow. That took me back. My answer was, “Peter Max bell bottoms and gaucho pants.” But at least when I wore those, I felt stylish and proud. When I thought back to the days I’d donned that mortifying blue bloomer gym suit, it brought me back to a painful time in my past.

You see, when I was a kid, I was skinny. Gawky. A pathetic little toothpick. Nice people would say I was lucky. But I never felt lucky. I felt scrawny and ugly.

I was at my most scrawny in gym class, wearing those ugly blue bloomers. For the girls who were built, they accentuated the positive. For me, they accentuated everything I hated about my body. Singer songwriter Janis Ian was my hero. She sang what I lived:

“To those whose names were never called
when choosing sides for basketball…”*

Throw in cystic acne and that was me.

I hated gym. I hated being one of the last two girls chosen (it was always, “Ugh. If I have to take one of them, I’ll take Cindy, you take Tobi.”). I hated showering in front of the other girls. I hated changing in front of them, too—they wore bras. I didn’t even have enough boobs to fill my undershirts. I hated being tormented by the gym teachers and taunted by the mean girls when the gym teachers weren’t looking. I hated my abdominal muscles because they’d still hurt two days after doing those relentless sit-ups. But more than anything, I hated wearing those damned blue bloomers.

The day I graduated high school was one of the happiest of my life. No one was ever going to force me to take gym again! Ha! I was finally in control of my life!

Now I’m 62. And the last word you’d use to describe me is “scrawny.” But with the added poundage came added confidence. Maybe the confidence also came from recognizing my own value as a person.

But if given the choice, I would NEVER put on one of those indescribably appallingly hideous blue gym suits ever again.

So, how about you? Did you have to wear one of those dreaded things for gym class? If not, what was the weirdest thing you wore in high school? I’d love to hear from you, so please comment below.

And be sure to check out South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun!

❤,

* Lyrics from “At Seventeen” written by Janis Ian, appearing on the LP Between the Lines, © Mine Music Ltd./EMI Music Publishing Japan Ltd. All rights reserved; international copyright secured.

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

I am not gonna lie. I love cupcakes.

I love eating them, watching TV shows about them and writing about them.

As a matter of fact, last September, I wrote an article called, “Cupcake Wars: What Do They Do with those 1,000 Leftover Cupcakes?” I did the research on that question, and it was quite an eye-opener.

So, you can imagine how I felt when Beneficial Bank contacted me to produce a fundraiser for them, featuring the very worthy non-profit Mothers Matter, and equally spotlighting cupcake decorating! Ruth Scott of Cupcakes by Ruth is going to give me (and everyone else) two cupcakes and all stuff we’ll need to decorate them and I’m going to feel just like I’m on Cupcake Wars! And so will you!

Ruth will lead us in decorating two “down the shore” cupcakes, complete with edible seashells and mermaid tails. I can hardly contain myself. But it won’t be fun unless you’re there.

Tickets start at $30, but the price goes up at 11:59pm on May 9, so hurry! Click here for all the info on this event.

I honestly don’t know if I am more excited about decorating those cupcakes…or eating them. Wait a minute. I know. I am MOST excited about raising funds for Mothers Matter.

Hope to see you there. 😊

♥,

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

If your name is Diana, Jessica or Vanessa, you might be a graphic designer. (Source: Verdant Labs)

Does your name reveal your age? Or your profession?

You bet it does!

If you’re a Baby Boomer Woman, chances are your name is not Emma, Isabella, Charlotte or Harper. Because those are among the Top 10 names for baby girls born in 2016.

In fact, the Social Security Office has kept track of all the baby girl and boy names from the 1880s to the 2010s. That’s how I know that the following are the Top 10 baby girl names from the 1950s:

1. Mary
2. Linda
3. Patricia
4. Susan
5. Deborah
6. Barbara
7. Debra
8. Karen
9. Nancy
10. Donna

The list above comes from a larger list of the Top 200 girls’ and boys’ names from the 1950s.

Baby girl names of the 60s changed. Kind of. Here’s that Top 10:

1. Lisa
2. Mary
3. Susan
4. Karen
5. Kimberly
6. Patricia
7. Linda
8. Donna
9. Michelle
10. Cynthia

They even provide a way to tell the most popular names by your state and birth year!

Here are the Top 10 baby girl names for the State of New Jersey in 1988:

1. Jessica
2. Ashley
3. Amanda
4. Nicole
5. Jennifer
6. Stephanie
7. Lauren
8. Melissa
9. Danielle
10. Samantha

Verdant Labs, creator of an app for baby name research, has tapped pubic records to produce a chart entitled, Top Disproportionately Common Names by Profession. (A tiny version of this is pictured above). Professions on the chart run the gamut from photographer, geologist and football coach to librarian, meteorologist and journalist.

Now that I brought those to your attention, here are the top:

• Photographer names: Hugo, Bruno & Zoe (I did not make that up)
• Geologist names: Leonard, William & Frederick (I expected to see Ross on that list, but didn’t)
• Football coach names: Dan, Mike & Rich (Not one woman on that list)
• Librarian names: Eleanor, Abigail & Margot (Not one man on that list)
• Meteorologist names: Mike, Scott & Jeff
• Journalist names: Jonah, Gideon & Alastair (Again, I did not make this up)

So, if your name is Billy, Joey or Mickey, you might be a drummer.

And if your name is Patricia, Lori or Raymond, you could be a hairstylist.

Or if your name is Constance, Penelope or Stella, maybe you are a social worker.

And, if you’re in your 50s, you may have gone through school with at least one Kimberly, Michelle or Cynthia.

And if you’re in your 40s, you may have played hopscotch or Barbies with at least one Amy, Heather or Nicole.

So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Well, if you want to hide your age, you’d better change your name. And if you’re hoping your future child becomes a judge, consider naming him Josiah, Archibald or Rufus, and not Eddie, Tom or Ben. Because if you do, he might just become a stuntman, and then you’ll never stop worrying.

♥,

PS: Does your name match up with any of the professions? Check out a larger, readable version of the “Top Disproportionately Common Names by Profession” chart, and then tell us in the comment section below.

PPS: If you want to play the Social Security name game, click here.

PPPS: If you enjoyed this blog post, please consider sharing it on social media! Here’s the link to use: https://www.franksandbeans.net/does-your-name-reveal-your-age-or-profession/. Thank you!

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

When Franks & Beans Team Member Kim Konefsky told me the name of the March 21^st snowstorm, I thought she was joking. But the joke, as it turned out, was on me. Literally.

The name of the winter storm that caused the postponement of our March 21^st event is Toby.

It got me thinking. How are storms named? And who names them? As it turns out, winter storms are named by The Weather Channel.

But according to the National Hurricane Center’s National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, naming rights for tropical storms and hurricanes is given to an international committee of the United Nations’ World Meteorological Organization.

So why do I care?

When someone names a storm after you, you want to know how and why.

Anyway, unlike me, the storm named for me has turned out to be a real pain in the neck. Let me offer a brief explanation. The winter storm that preceded Toby was Skyler, and the one before Skyler was Riley. It was Riley who caused us to postpone our March 7^th event. To remedy this, we rolled March 7^th into our March 21^st event because, well, what could go wrong?

Now we know. We had to, once again, postpone our March 7^th and 21^st events, and reschedule them for April 19.

(It doesn’t snow in April, right?)

And one more thing. Hey, Weather Channel. I have a bone to pick with you. I had to wait a long time for a storm to be named for me, and you got the spelling wrong. My mom was very specific in how she wanted my name to be spelled. #SeeMyBirthCertificate

Okay. That rant felt good. I hope to see you on April 19^th!

(It doesn’t snow in April, right?)

♥,

PS: Has a storm ever been named for you? If so, which one? Please share your answer in the comments below.

PPS: Check out our twice-postponed event. Did I mention it’s been rescheduled for April 19?

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

We’re all so happy on the second Sunday in March. But we’re brought to our knees in despair on the first Sunday in November.

In March, we lose an hour, but what’s an hour compared to the promise of spring? In November, we gain an hour, but it’s small consolation considering we are heading into the anguish of winter.

Will we never get off this sick Merry-Go-Round?

The answer: probably not.

But don’t blame the farmers! They were never into the scam initiated and perpetuated by the Chamber of Commerce, back in the day.

But why should I tell you, when Eliza Mills does such a better job?

Hint: Click here for the whole story

♥,

PS: Daylight Saving Time: Thumbs up or thumbs down? Please comment in the Comments Section below. TIA. 🙂

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

It’s not that I don’t have genial family and friends who refuse to offer me good wishes. I am blessed with the most supportive, friendly, nutty bunch in the entire Universe. But they tend to wish me a Happy Hanukkah. And to them, I wish a Happy or a Merry, whatever the case may be.

The people who I want to wish me a Merry Christmas are those I know casually who don’t give my religion a second thought when wishing me such a lovely greeting. And why should they? Wishing me or anyone a Merry Christmas, no matter what their or my religion, is a lovely greeting of the season! And, for those who celebrate, it’s also a reminder of the true reason for the season.

So, if you see me on the street or at a party or wherever at this time of year, please don’t hold back because you’re not sure what I celebrate. Wish me a Merry Christmas! Or, a Happy Hanukkah! I’m proud of my heritage and the beauty that comes with it, so no worries. I promise you, you won’t hurt my feelings, whatever greeting you bestow upon me.

And if all else fails, and you’re not sure what to say, please say, “Happy New Year!” Because every one of us—whether we celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Ramadan, Festivus or any other holiday—every single one of us could really use it.

Happy everything, everyone!

Big Hugs & Love,

♥,

PS: Please share your thoughts on this post in the comments section below, and please be sure to wish me a Merry Christmas!