Loading...

Are You Conflicted by Your Birthday?

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

I’m not asking, “Are you dreading getting one year older,” because aging beats the alternative.

I’m asking, “Do you like your birth date—the day on the calendar when you were born?”

Do you enjoy your summer birthday—or do you hate the summer swelter and wish your birthday was in spring? Is your birthday in autumn but you hate the brisk weather—or do you revel in it because the leaves are changing color?

My birthday is smack in the middle of December. And while other Sagittarians I know hate sharing their special day during the holiday season, I can’t think of a better birthday month. Everyone’s in a good mood, and everywhere you look, there are decorations! We were celebrating my birthday last month, and Santa Claus came by on top of a firetruck, dancing to Chuck Berry’s “Run, Run Rudolph!” Who wouldn’t love that?

My mom’s birthday was January 2. She hated it. There wasn’t very much she hated—but she hated her birth date. She told my sister and I how sad she’d feel as a child because everyone was getting back to normal that day after the long holiday season, and they couldn’t bring themselves to celebrate one more thing. So, her birthday would get tabled for another day that never came. We and our dad always made it our business to celebrate her on what in the past had made her feel so overlooked, and she always appreciated that.  

When I was pregnant with my daughter who was due on January 7, 1997, my mom told me more than once that as much as she’d love to share her birthday with her new grandchild, she hoped she didn’t arrive early because she didn’t want her to be burdened with such a terrible birthday. So, what did my daughter do? She came into the world on January 1. What could be worse than a January 2 birthday? A birthday on January 1. Or, on December 25, the day my dear friend Debbie was born. But that’s another story.

Back to the delivery room. As the nurses were cleaning her up and I was still in the bed on which I gave birth, I vowed to my husband that I would do everything in my power to be sure Jardin not only liked her birthday, but loved it.

And I kept my word. Every year since 1988—the year our son Richard was born, we’ve been hosting a New Year’s Eve party with an open house on New Year’s Day. So, at midnight, January 1, 1998—Jardin’s first birthday—we brought a cake into the den, and everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to the sleeping baby upstairs.

Our annual New Year’s Day Open House turned into Jardin’s Birthday Open House. More food, another birthday cake, and another round of “Happy Birthday.” When she started school, I’d bring cupcakes into her classroom on the first day back, where her classmates would sing “Happy Birthday.” But that’s not where it ended. Every summer, we’d hold a real birthday party with her friends. The regular kind, with paper invitations, a pinata, “Musical Chairs” and of course, a birthday cake, over which “Happy Birthday” was sung to Jardin for a fourth a final time. Until the next year. And she loved it! Who wouldn’t? She’d have three winter birthdays and a summer birthday every year!

But I knew that someday, she would discover the truth. That a January 1 birthday is as awful as a January 2 birthday. Was I setting her up for failure?

Sadly, yes.

Just this year, the 22-year-old Jardin said to me, in anticipation of her 23rd birthday, the words I’d been dreading since New Year’s Day 1997, “I wonder what it would be like to have a normal birthday.” My heart sank. I told her that I understood, and if I had the power to change it, I would.

I don’t know the answer to her question about a normal birthday, because who dictates “normal?”

Is normal being able to have your cupcakes in elementary school on the actual date of your birth?

Is normal receiving birthday cards in the mail on your actual birthday?

Jardin can’t have either of those. Ever.

But what she does have is a New Year’s Eve/birthday party with her friends at school, and an automatic birthday party the next day because we continue to have our New Year’s Eve party (though dramatically scaled down) and we continue to have our New Year’s Day/Jardin’s Birthday open house.

And when she walks into our home on her January 1, there will always be people who love her already assembled, delivering birthday wishes and hugs as soon as she walks through the door. And very few people have that on their actual birthdays every single year.

❤,

best girls night out

PS: So, what’s your birth date and how do you feel about it? Please comment below. We’d love to hear from you.

PPS: And no matter when your birthday is, Franks & Beans is having a party just for YOU! On February 19, we’re throwing our “It’s EVERYONE’S Birthday” Birthday Party: Leap Year Edition!

Join us at Illiano’s for a delicious 5-course BYOB dinner, birthday presents for EVERYONE, games, prizes and so much more!

Our goal is to make everyone who comes feel as special as she should on her real birthday.

And, if you were born on February 29, your ticket is only $29! If you were born on the 29th of any month, you only pay $49! And if you’re a first-timer to one of our events, you get 10% off the regular price. For everyone else, it’s still on early bird pricing. Our first two Birthday Parties were sellouts, so get your tickets now! Questions? Click here to email me!

And no matter when your birthday is, “Happy Birthday!”

Have a Headache? Grab a Potato!

By Margaret Phillips, Guest Blogger (See below for more about Margaret)

When we eat the correct amounts of fruits and veggies each day, it helps stabilize our emotional and physical health. That’s because our bodies are getting the nutrients it needs. I realize that seems like a no brainer, but sometimes we need to be reminded of what we already know.

For example, if you are lacking magnesium in your diet, it can lead to or increase depression, headaches, fatigue, muscle cramps, and many other illnesses and dysfunctions. Dark leafy greens are a good source of magnesium, so eat up! 

Are you at risk or have a family history of heart disease or stroke? The potassium in fruit can reduce those risks. Are you suffering from a cold? One cup of cooked broccoli has as much vitamin C as an orange and contains potassium, vitamin K, folate, and fiber.   

Headaches are sometimes caused by dehydration. Another nutritive call for potassium! According to New Jersey Registered Dietician Enid Palinski, a baked potato (with the skin) is one of the most impressive sources of potassium, containing a surprising 721 mg. In comparison, a banana contains about 467 mg.

Do you have stomach issues such as gas, bloating, or constipation? Then you might want to add raspberries or blackberries to your diet. One cup of either of these berries have 8 grams of fiber, which helps regulate digestion.

There are plenty of delicious healthy choices. And once you start to explore what’s at your farmer’s market or grocery store, your taste buds and body will thank you for it!

But how many fruits and veggies do we need to eat every day? The current recommendation by the USDA is five to nine servings. You’re probably thinking, “Is that a typo? That must be a typo.” If you’re like most of us, the first time you hear the updated recommendation, you may also be thinking, “There’s no way I can do that.”

Here’s the good news. Yes, you can do that! First, realize that five to nine includes fruits and veggies combined. So, you can breathe a little easier now.

Second, if you’re a person who struggles with getting to this number, start slowly and no beating yourself up allowed. Challenge yourself to eat one fruit or veggie EVERY day at EVERY meal for one week. Then, do it for a second week. Continue to do this for six weeks and then add a fruit or veggie for snacks and follow the same challenge pattern.

I know for a lot of people, time can be an obstacle when it comes to getting enough veggies and fruits. A great way to help this is to prepare your produce for a couple of days all at once and have them in a grab-and-go container or sack. If it’s already washed, cut up (if needed), and put into a container, you can grab them before you go on that day trip or when you know you will be having a late dinner due to your schedule. This is great if you have kids, because they can just grab them when they want, and you don’t have to be their on-demand chef.

You also don’t have to worry about them filling up on unhealthy foods when they are snacking. Fruits and veggies you prepare ahead of time can also be used for a quick TV or reading snack. If you have a craving for something crunchy, peppers, carrots, broccoli and celery can both help satisfy your craving, and get some extra veggies into your diet.

Fruits make fantastic desserts or even good treats for curbing the sweet cravings. While we still have our calorie-laden sweets from time to time, I have been teaching my girls the best dessert after any meal is a sweet fruit. My favorite summer dessert is a sweet juicy, plum. With some patience and resilience, you can eat your fruits and veggies and get to the right number. 

Thank you Margaret! Great article.

So how about you? Are you, like Margaret, able to get in all five to nine servings each day? If not, how many? (Congratulate yourself for eating even one each day, for now.) Tell us your tricks and tips for getting more veggies and fruits in your diet, by leaving your comment in the section below.

❤,

best girls night out

Margaret Phillips is a psychic medium, life coach and energy healer. Find out more about her on her website and on her Facebook page.

Does Your Dog Have a Middle Name?

It was a simple enough question, posed on our South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun closed Facebook group. “Does your dog (or cat) have a middle name?”

I came up with the question after a friend of mine told me that her dog’s name is Whistle. I asked if his middle name was Blower.

It is not.

But I did get some great answers to my question. One of the best came with a newspaper article to document it.

Franks & Beans Events’ very own Linda Rosenson Coe (pictured here) has a cat named Ansel Catems. It’s a twist on the name of the famed photographer Ansel Adams, a favorite of Linda’s husband Marvin Coe, our Official Franks & Beans’ photographer.

Other names were so funny and so sweet, and I thank everyone for sharing them with us:

  • Anne M Stengel: My little she-poo is Rocky Doodle/Pupper Doodles (pictured above in the dapper yellow necktie).
  • Deb Ferguson: Our dog is Dante Hicks Ferguson. He’s named after the character in “Clerks.”
  • Lauren Sprague: My cat is Philly Thomas!
  • Cathy Wilson: When Shelby was alive, her full name was Shelby Scully Wilson. Shelby for the character in “Steel Magnolias”, Scully for the character in “X-Files” because she was chipped, and Wilson because she was a member of our family.
  • Kim Mercantini: My cat is Cali Anne.
  • Kathleen Bridgewater: My dog is Lilly Ann.
  • Karen Marie: Giovanni Michael
  • Ateia Nesmith: Sugar Pie Honey Bunch Harrington.
  • Eileen A Weiss: No middle name but Mayhem’s nickname is Bug.
  • Sandy Fishman Konefsky: Had a cat named Squeak because he squeaked instead of meowing. Had a poodle who my husband named Picaboo because he liked Picaboo Street (the skier). My Afghan hound was Tasha Benvicki (from Benvicki Kennels). She looked just like the Afghan hound in the Apple iPhone commercial.
  • Theresa Ann: My cat’s middle name Joe. She is Teddie Joe!
  • Marcella Yanulavage-Strenger: My Border Collie’s name is Jasper Jackson, my Cockapoo’s name is Sparky Sparkalicious, and my cat’s name is Riley Ann, even though he’s a boy.
  • Lisa Rife: My Daisy is Daisy Mae. Before Casey passed away, she was Casey Marie.
  • Terry Ginsburg Goncharoff: Ollie was Oliver Elvis and Shayna is Shayna Sugar.
  • Lisa C. Anderson: “The.” Felix “The” Cat.
  • Hollie Donnon: Spencer Edwin Donnon (pictured here)
  • Dana ‘Captain’ Rinaldo: Rockefeller Roofus Rinaldo. Rocky Roo for short 🤣🤣
  • Peg Willard: Years ago, my sons decided to name their cat Tonka, after the toy trucks. His middle name was Bonks. Tonka Bonks Laney.
  • Sarah Moore: Artemis Stumbledore Dumpsta-Diver
  • Emily Keifer-Jackson: No middle name. Just Snowman Jackson
  • Melissa Price: Long ago, I had a dog named “Notes.” But it was spelled “Gnotes” since I was a musician and his puppy bark was a “G” note. Gnotes became Gnotesey and then ultimately Gnotesey Punkin’ Noodlesmith because after all was said and done, he was a noodle-connoisseur.
  • Kathleen Lindley: Lil’ Stalker “Cra-Cra” Kitty (Pictured here)
  • Shep Greenberg: Bear. Yogie Bear.
  • Jennifer Lynn: I wish my dog had a middle name. That would be cute. His name is Teddy, but I call him Theodore when he is does something wrong. LOL!
  • Taralynn Sandker: Our guinea pig has a middle name. He’s George Cooper Sandker.
  • Wendi Lynn: No middle name, but one had a last name that wasn’t mine, LOL!!!!
  • Donna Laurent Gabler: My cat’s name is Maggie–short for maggots. I found her at 3 weeks old covered in maggots. It was a long road but within a month she was a normal cat. She is little brat at times, so the name was appropriate 🙂
  • Lauren Palmer-Wearne: Leah Nicole (Aurora, my daughter, and I share that middle name so we gave it to Leah) Rosie Faye. Stitch Beauregard. Camilla Hope. And Bella Bug. LOL
  • Debra Thornton: Her middle name is Ann. She is Sally Ann.
  • Debbie Kirk Kobus: My dog’s name is Ginger Beans.
  • Jerri Griffith: Effie Trinket and Obi Wan Kittenobi
  • Holly Ward-Mauger: Buddy Blue (dog), Princess Fiona (cat), Trouble Littlefoot (cat), and they all have the last name of Ward-Sheairs-Mauger 😂
  • Michelle Hagy Helfrich: Coconut “Rum” Helfrich
  • E Jazmine Kiah: My cat is Ariel Precious.
  • Lois Rosenfeld Urkowitz: We had Ezra Keith Urkowitz after the band members of “Trout Fishing in America.” They were quirky and so was Ezra. Our Labradoodle was Zoe Rose. New addition is Willy Wonka (previous owners).
  • Beth Browdy Gonyea: Champ Anderson Pooper Gonyea
  • Carla Mandell: Lucy Furr. Combo for Lucille Ball and Lucifur. Sweet, funny, playful, devilish, tons of energy.
  • Lisa Pestcoe: Lou…her full name is Luckie Lou Lapue
  • Amy Schaaf Kueny: Gunnar–his dog father’s name! Full name is Bauer Gunnar Kueny.
  • Barrie Weinberg Urbano: My Moe was Joe. Gracie was Lou.
  • Dianna Arble: Ginger, Equinsu Ocha …it’s white devil from “Ace Ventura.” 😂 She is a bad dog.
  • Marci Mathis: Our pets’ middle names are always the names they were given at the animal shelter before we adopted them. <3
  • MaryAnn Ragone DeLambily: Jake Jakester, Crazy Daisy (and that’s the truth), Mia mee-mo, Ciana see-saw, Lucia Luchee, Leo Leosky, Biscotti Limpy Limpster (rabbit)
  • Steve Platt: My cat was often called “Mr Annoying Face.” So was his middle name “Annoying?”
  • Jen Bärr: I’m not a pet person, but now I want one to give it a middle name! I think I’ll get fishies…I’m not sure of a name yet, but they seem like they’d be low maintenance. No walking required.

We even got some ethnic names!

  • Lisa Sengin Yuen: My first cat was Mogan David! (Translation: Star of David)
  • Judie Weiss Mangel: Macey Mazel Mangel (Translation of Mazel: Luck)
  • Shelly Cortés: My boy is (spoken with a Spanish accent) Chico R. Cortés, the R stands for Raúl.
  • Stephanie Garofalo: No middle names. Just a Mario and a Luigi.

And there is even royalty among us:

  • Danielle Showell Nolan: Spotty Louise Liscious LuLu Nolan, the 1st. LOL
  • Sandra Zydanowicz Cook: The neighborhood gave her a name when I got her. Miss Willow of Kenwood Estates. 🤣 I live on Kenwood Rd.
  • Mika Murray: Calvin Crookshanks Murray, Mickey Mouse Murray, Maxwell Caulfield Murray (deceased 😔), Kitty Cat Murray (Calvin’s mom, deceased 😔) and Fluffy Jane Murray (deceased, my 1st cat 😔). My Princess is the only kitty to not have a middle name. But since she’s a royal she doesn’t need it. 😂

So, what’s your pet’s middle name? Please let us know in the Comments Section below.

My dog’s name is Fred Benjamin Cassell (pictured here). Benjamin is in memory of one of our earlier pups, Ben. Ben’s middle name was Casey, who was our furbaby before him. Casey, Ben and Fred all share a beautiful face, and a sweet, loving heart.

We also had a pup named Rachel. We adored her but she had her moments. We joked with people that her middle name was Trouble. And it eventually stuck. RIP Rachel Trouble Cassell. ❤

❤,

best girls night out

Sometimes, what goes around comes around. Twice.

I have always been, and always will be, a Barbie Girl. My collection started with a hand-me-down Barbie and her sparse wardrobe. She had a long blonde ponytail–just like the one in this picture–except mine had only one leg.

I didn’t even want to speculate on what had happened to the amputated limb. I just avoided dressing her in the pants she showed up with, and opted instead for her long, pink ballgown.

On my birthday, my parents gave me a brand-new Barbie with all four appendages and a beautiful platinum blonde “bubble” hairdo. I was positively euphoric! Barbie and Barbie had a lot of fun together, as did I, their puppeteer.

As time went on, Ken joined in to make it a platonic threesome. The Barbies’ wardrobe grew, with both store-bought clothes and handmade pieces my mom would design and knit for them. Those girls were stylin’! But when they’d get dressed up to step out for the evening, all Ken had to choose from was a golf ensemble or swim trunks.

Eventually, Ken and the Barbies acquired a knock-off “11.5-inch doll” doctor’s office with cardboard snap-together furniture. Ken was instantly awarded his M.D., complete with a doctor’s white coat. One of the Barbies got a nurse’s uniform with a starched white cap. It sounds kind of weird now, but this was the 60s and though Mattel made career clothes for Barbie, they didn’t make attire for female doctors or male nurses. 

Just the other day, I convened a business meeting with Catherine and BJ, and somehow, we got onto the subject of Barbies. (Yes, this is what happens when women meet for business—or at least for Girlfriendz Magazine business.) We eventually got back on topic, but before we did, BJ told us about her typical Barbie family with Barbie, Ken and Skipper. I’m guessing Ken was an insurance agent, Barbie was a homemaker and president of the PTA, and Skipper was a typical fifth grade girl who turned her nose up at spinach. Catherine’s Barbies, on the other hand, only owned outfits that corresponded to a career. She remembers naming one of her Barbies “Tina,” and writing curt notes to Ken like:

Make your own dinner tonight, Ken.
Signed,
Tina

Catherine did not remember what Ken had done to provoke Barbie’s…I mean Tina’s…ire. And just like with my uni-leg Barbie, I chose not to speculate.

Eventually, Tressy joined my collection. (Remember her?) She had a short brown haircut with a ponytail at the top of her head. You could pull that ponytail all the way down to her feet! I never could figure out where all that hair was hidden, and didn’t put two and two together as to why she had a belly button that when pushed, sucked her hair back into her head. But again, I chose not to speculate.

Rounding out my collection was “Hi Heidi.” Much shorter than the 11.5-inch dolls, all she owned was the red dress on her back. But who cared? When you pushed the button on her tummy, her right arm would whip up toward the sky as if she were saying, “Hi!”

So, there they were—My Barbie Collection: Ken, Tressy, Hi Heidi, Barbie and Barbie. They made a cozy, sexless home in the cardboard doctor’s office (my parents couldn’t afford an actual Mattel Barbie Dream House) and they all lived happily ever after.

Until…

One Saturday afternoon when I was in middle school, I decided to visit my old Barbie Collection. I went down to the basement and couldn’t find it. My mom told me she and my dad had given it away. Gone. Lock, stock and doctor’s office. I was furious! How could they have done this to me?!

Naturally, my mom apologized profusely for not having checked with me first. She and my dad had assumed I wasn’t interested in playing with dolls anymore. Annoyed, I accepted the apology because I knew it was sincere. After all, they were correct in their assumption. But it took a long time to get over it.

I eventually did, of course, especially after they told me who they’d given it to. He was a man my dad worked with. They were a family in need and my parents wanted to help. So, my Barbie Collection became his daughter’s Christmas present that year. And this time, I allowed myself to speculate.

I envisioned her having a lot of fun with Barbie, Barbie, Hi Heidi and Tressy. Ken, too, even though his flocked hair had rubbed away long before. I’d taken care of business with a black magic marker and he looked just fine. In fact, the whole thing was fine because Nameless Little Girl was giving my old Barbies a new life.

It wasn’t until years later that I realized what my parents really had in mind. Though the phrase “paying it forward” wasn’t in usage back then, that’s what they were doing.

And it all started with some really nice person at my dad’s work who, so many years before, had given him a blonde one-legged Barbie doll to give to his daughter.

❤,

best girls night out

PS: My story has a second happy ending. My dear, childhood friend Barbara (who used to play Barbies with me) went on eBay and found an exact duplicate of my platinum blonde “bubble” hairdo Barbie, and gave it to me for my 40th birthday.

PPS: What’s your Barbie story? Did you have any of the ones I had? Which ones did you have? Please share it with me below.

BTW, the dolls pictured above were not mine. They are representative of the ones that my parents “paid forward.”

AND FINALLY, if those Barbie dolls at the very top of this page don’t look familiar to you, please consider joining our closed Facebook group, South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun.

Numerology: Your Life’s Personal GPS Navigation System

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Are you in a problematic relationship?

Are you feeling stuck in your life, but have no idea how to move forward?

Are you wondering why you’re here on earth, or what your true purpose is?

Are you in a labyrinth of challenges and can’t see your way out?

Numerology can help.

If you’ve seen a particular sequence of numbers lately–like the one at the left–or 1111 or 333 or 1212, these are examples of numerology. But this modality is so much more.

“Your name and birthday provide a code that lays out your entire life’s plan,” says Numerologist Traci Rosenberg. “and many people consider it a life changing event, because we uncover their challenges, their special gifts and their life opportunities.”

People who seek out Traci do so because they feel trapped in a difficult relationship, or they’re stagnating in a career that doesn’t serve them. She provides them with clarity, and helps them figure out the steps to move forward, then provides the support to get them there.

This is why Franks & Beans Events has chosen Traci to be one of our two readers at our August 14th Private-Readings Psychic Dinner. Join us for a BYOB dinner, prizes, and a personal 10-minute reading with either Traci or with our Psychic Medium Judy Dingler. Both of these women are extremely accurate and provide compassionate counsel. 

Join us for our next Private-Readings Psychic Dinner, a fun and healing dinner event at our brand new venue—The Legacy Diner in Audubon. Tickets are limited so that everyone who comes is assured a reading. And, we’ve implemented a new aspect to this event that allows you to schedule your reader and your appointment time as soon as you buy your ticket.

See you then!

❤,  

PS: Don’t forget! Our next Signature Psychic Dinner featuring Psychic Medium Judy Dingler is next week! Tickets are selling fast, so get yours by clicking here.

AND! Bring a friend and you’ll both be entered for a prize drawing with a giveaway valued at $250! Click here for more information.

I’m Laying it on the Line

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

The time has come to lay it on the line. Some of you will agree with me, some will not. Some might consider unsubscribing from my newsletter, though I truly hope they don’t.

Others will be so pleased, they might share this post on Facebook. I truly hope they do!

Okay. Here goes…

Our daughter has introduced us to the many colors of the LGBTQIA+ community (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersexed, Agender, Asexual, and Ally). Through her, Stan and I have met and enjoyed many dinners and much laughter with people who are transgender, non-binary, asexual, pansexual, and the list goes on. (Click here to see an 11-page list of terms created by Eli R. Green and Eric N. Peterson at the LGBT Resource Center at University of California, Riverside. This document does not list gender non-binary, but this document is an excellent resource to help us understand and respect non-binary people.)

Gender identity and sexual preference has never been black and white. In the 70s when I was in high school and college, my friends and I may not have known a gender non-binary person, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t any in our midst. All we knew was there were gay people and straight people, and they were either men or women. That was the extent of it.

As we aged into adulthood, we became more enlightened. We went with it; others didn’t. And over time, gay life and gay rights have become yet another reality that divides this country, but in my opinion, shouldn’t.

In 2015, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage, but believe it or not, that spurred dissension among–of all people–some gay rights leaders. At 88, Martin Duberman, a Stonewall historian and recipient of many awards for his work, believes the gay rights movement has gone off the rails, and become too conservative. As a sexual liberation pioneer of the 70s, he was never enamored with same-sex marriage, because he saw it as conformist. In his recently released book, “Has the Gay Movement Failed?” he laments that “what has been most innovative” about the gay lifestyle may be “abandoned or wholly concealed” by the focus on marriage and fitting in.

My point is that just as we’re starting to understand all the alternatives, more alternatives continue to come to light. As one of my dearest friends said to me yesterday, “It seems to me that so much is open and available to kids today that…it’s like having a smorgasbord, when you’ve never even sampled any of the foods before.”

This makes LGBTQIA+ life a life-long-learning process. But if you think about it, pretty much everything in life, in all its aspects—good, neutral and bad—is a constant life-long-learning process.

Being so lucky to have the opportunity to get to know so many in the LGBTQIA+ community, Stan and I have found that when you get right down to it, people are people, and gender identity and sexual preference just don’t matter. Same with race, religion and nationality. When you strip it all away, we are all the same—human. And every single one of us deserves happiness, security and love.

❤,  

PS: Where do you stand on LGBTQIA+ rights? Are you confused by all the possibilities and terms? Are you a “live and let live” person? Or do you wish things would just get “back to normal?” Please share your comments below, whether you agree or disagree with me. TIA (Thanks in advance. I know! So many acronyms! 😊)

Every Woman Has a Story. Every Woman Has Power. The Power is in Her Story.

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

As I’ve mentioned in past blog posts, one of my philosophies is, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”

Rosie

Well, that’s exactly what three local women business owners have done. Here are their stories.

Bridget’s Story

Bridget Papagno

By the age of 33, Bridget Papagno had been sick for two years. “I had a fever every day. The lab work and testing were constant, and every time I’d go to the doctor, he’d just order more tests and tell me to come back in three months.”

New medications came with debilitating side effects that were worse than her symptoms. She was at the end of her rope, when she decided to seek help from a holistic practitioner. She began to feel better, but there was one other person she was destined to meet who would help her turn her life around.

The woman, a fellow hockey mom, was Judy Dingler, a psychic medium who teaches Reiki, psychic development, and so much more. She became Bridget’s mentor, as well as her best friend. This immersion into holistic healing made Bridget feel human again, and that’s when she became the Essential Lightworker.

She is now a Reiki Master who both practices and teaches. She even does Reiki on pets. She is also an Integrated Energy Therapy practitioner and a certified Aromatherapist, and as of this month, has taken over the reigns as president of the Holistic Chamber of Commerce, currently Moorestown-Cherry hill Chapter, soon to be Mt. Laurel-Cherry Hill Chapter.

“I now have a new passion for life because of my commitment to helping others. And I now understand that I had to get sick, so I could help others get well.”

Shaheerah’s Story


Shaheerah Fardan-Ali also found her salvation by starting her own business. “I started out baking for family and friends who loved what I did and encouraged me to start a business. Once I made the decision to do it, I needed a name. So, I went through what some would call ‘The Dark Night of the Soul.’

“In evaluating where I was in my life and where I wanted to be, through a period of growth, transition, and unknowing, my business became my ‘diary,’ and my cupcakes became my ‘entries.’ And Diary of a Cupcake was born. I put inspirational messages on some of my cupcakes, because they are my diary entries, too.”

Shaheerah found herself at a spoken word event where she shared her story with the audience. “And I felt this glow come over me and a sense of empowerment and accomplishment.

“If I had not had the shift in mindset that I’d had in the past 3 months, I wouldn’t have had the faith and courage to speak at that event. If I didn’t make the resolution at the beginning of the year to be committed to my work, I wouldn’t have even been there.

“If I had not begun to surrender my day to the opportunities that God sends me every day, I wouldn’t have even booked that event two days before. If I hadn’t been preparing for moments like this, and hadn’t made “the choice two years ago to surrender, to fight, to grow, and no longer allow my fear to overshadow my desire to thrive…

“If I had been so consumed by my fear and self-doubt instead of recognizing the ways that I have been blessed lately, recognizing the messages and opportunities that I have been given…

“If I wasn’t in the rooms that I had been in, meeting the people that I have met recently who, instead of only taking from my cup, would refill mine so we could refill each other’s…Anyway, I am grateful. And I celebrate these sweet moments that remind me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at any given moment.”

Elise’s Story

Elise Mac-Bello Family

Though Elise Mac-Bello’s business was not born of an illness as Bridget’s was, or a spiritual awakening as Shaheerah’s was, it was born right along with the birth of her second child.

Elise is a chocolatier who owns Saejar Sweets in Willingboro. Her company name is a commingling of her children’s names, Sadie and Jared.

“I’ve always had a love for creativity and trying new things. Making chocolates was one of my favorite ways to de-stress from my demanding career in the nonprofit world. I always wished I could make it my career, but enjoyed doing meaningful work within my community. Then Jared was born, and nothing gave me more joy than being his mom.

Saejar Sweets

“I could no longer imagine the 1.5 hour commute to work, the 24 hour on-call life where I would often leave to deal with a crisis at any given moment, and spent a glorious 7 months with my little guy, wishing it could be forever but needing to bring in an income for our family.”

What was also coming in Elise’s way was fear. “I toyed with the idea of opening my own business, but fear was not something I had yet learned to conquer, so back to work I went.” Until—surprise!—she and husband Thomas discovered that they’d soon be a family of four.

“But that nasty fear kept telling me there was no way I would ever be able to pursue my dreams with two mouths to feed, so I pressed on for 5 more years.

“Then finally, in November of 2018, a door opened that would allow me to get the training I needed to make my passion a reality. So, I said a whole lot of prayers and ran as fast as I could through that open door, thanking God for the peace and passion to know that this would be my next chapter.

“My heart is so unbelievably full! I am surrounded by faith, family and community, which is Saejar Sweets’ Top 3 values, and values we try our hardest to infuse in all we do! Values (along with several others) we are raising our kids to embrace.”

You can meet these three inspiring women at our June 19th “It’s EVERYBODY’S Birthday” Birthday Party! Elise and Shaheerah are our Dessert Sponsors, and you know what that means! Chocolate and cupcakes for everyone! Click here for more info on that event.

So, what’s YOUR story of power? What are YOU striving for? We ALL deserve to have our own story, and when we use our power, it WILL have a happy ending.

Tell us in the comments below what your dream is and how you have, or will, make it a reality using your power.

❤,  

Resolving Our Fear

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Fear.

We all face it.

Maybe your Achilles’ heel is elevators. Maybe it’s public speaking. Or fear of bugs or snakes, or worse–fear of not fitting into last year’s swimsuit. Hey, guess what? It’s real, and it’s deep.

And, okay, I’ll be honest. One of my greatest fears is medical appointments. And by writing this article, it occurred to me that this fear is most likely based on events from my childhood. Spanning ages five to 10, I was in and out of the hospital, and there was a lot of poking and prodding involved. So, I’m guessing that fear has hung on through the decades, which is why I have doc appointments all stacked up. But they are stacked up in my mind, not on my calendar.

In his book, “The Bravest You,“ Adam Kirk Smith wrote about the top 10 fears that hold people back. They include:

  1. Fear of Inadequacy
  2. Fear of Uncertainty
  3. Fear of Failure
  4. Fear of Rejection
  5. Fear of Missing Out (also known as FOMO)
  6. Fear of Change
  7. Fear of Losing Control
  8. Fear of Being Judged
  9. Fear of Something Bad Happening
  10. Fear of Getting Hurt

After spelling out the 10 fears, he details his five-step Bravery Process™ which includes:

  1. Complacency
  2. Inspiration
  3. Fear
  4. Passion
  5. Bravery

Smith, a life coach, also first encountered fear in his childhood. But instead of experiencing it in a hospital like I did, he observed it in church. As he matured, he was able to see things from a different perspective, “When I finally understood that fear was the one thing keeping me from fully connecting with people and giving more of myself to the world, I began to understand why the angry man who scolded us in church all those years ago was disgusted with fear. His message that had since haunted me was completely wrong—fear will come, it is necessary, and is many times an indicator that we are on the right track—but telling us to fight fear with everything inside ourselves was a message that we all need to hear.”

Mo Gawdat is the Chief Business Officer at Google (X). He wrote the book, “Solve for Happy,” and offers his take on fear, “Many kids cry on the first day of kindergarten. They stomp their feet and scream because they’re afraid.

“Then, a few hours or days later, they’re okay. They even like it. What’s the magical transformation that takes place? Does kindergarten change to match their expectations? Not at all. Nothing changes. But when they face their fear, they realize that playing with other kids all day is not bad after all.

“We do this over and over. Some of us fear confronting a bully; some fear making our first presentation; some fear leaving a bad relationship; some fear walking up to a stranger and saying hello. But when we act in spite of our fear, we realize that there is nothing to fear. It’s challenging at first, but once you overcome your fear, you realize it was well worth the effort.”

I’ll keep that in mind as I start making phone calls to all those doctors. Tomorrow. 

❤,

best girls night out

PS: I shared my fear with you, and if you are comfortable, I hope you’ll share yours in the comment section below. If it makes you feel better, you can start it out with, “I have a friend who is scared to death of…” Don’t worry. I won’t tell. 😉

10 Tips for Starting Over (Again)

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Vella Mbenna understands life challenges and starting over, first hand. “When you’ve just gone through a personal crisis, it’s normal to feel hopeless, lost, and maybe even paralyzed.” Now a retired diplomat for the US Foreign Service, Mbenna authored Muddy Roads Blue Skies, an uplifting memoir and self-help guide about the power of perseverance, resilience, family, and faith.

After divorcing an abusive husband, Mbenna was broke and raising her child alone in rural Georgia. But she managed to turn her life around. It wasn’t easy, but she did it and offers this advice:

  1. Take time to deal with the pain (but not too much time). It’s okay to grieve or process whatever has happened—whether you’ve gotten divorced, lost your job, or experienced another setback—but keep this period as brief as possible and then get on with your life. If you’re not careful, this could become your new normal and prevent you from making progress.
  2. Get help if you need it. If you’re seriously stuck or have fallen into a depression, you’ll probably know it. At that point, seek professional help. A good therapist can help you process the grief you’re struggling with and help you move forward in a healthy way.
  3. Accept social support. Your social ties are important when you’ve had a crisis. So be sure to surround yourself with people who love you. Resist the urge to shut everyone out and cope all by yourself; even if you don’t feel like you want the support and attention during this time, you’ll ultimately be glad to have people who care checking in on you. But remember, this isn’t a time to let just anybody in. Avoid toxic “frenemies” and anyone you feel doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
  4. Stop the negative self-talk. “No matter how upset you feel, silence your inner critic and stop the negative self-talk,” says Mbenna. “Beating yourself up solves nothing and just makes you feel worse. So resist the urge to criticize, blame, or berate yourself. When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, replace the thought by acknowledging something good about yourself.”
  5. Commit to self-care. After you’ve gone through a crisis, it’s more important than ever to practice nurturing habits. First, make sure you’re getting plenty of rest, lots of exercise, and eating enough healthy foods. Don’t forget to treat yourself from time to time as well. Schedule a massage a Reiki session, buy yourself a new book, or go out to dinner. Do something fun. A small splurge now and then will give you the little bolt of pleasure you need to sustain you during tough times.
  6. Throw yourself into a project. One of the best ways to regain a sense of normalcy after a trauma is to get engaged in something you care about. So throw yourself into a project you feel passionate about. It will be a much welcome distraction and it’s a great way to get your creative juices flowing. Consider learning a new professional skill, taking up a new hobby, or joining a local choir, social group or service league.
  7. Practice being fearless. After enduring a trauma, the world can seem like a very frightening place. But even when you feel afraid, it is important to do things that scare you (within reason). Speak up in meetings, go to a networking event where you won’t know anyone, or volunteer to lead a project at work. Challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone stretches your confidence and makes you a stronger person.
  8. Find faith in something. Whether it’s God, the Universe, your Angels, or another Divine Being, have faith. Mbenna’s strong faith in God helped her survive and navigate job and money instability, domestic violence, and several work challenges during her 26-year career with the Foreign Service. “My prayers have always sustained me,” says Mbenna. “Even when times have been so hard that I haven’t known what to ask for, I just ask God to help me and He always has.”
  9. Count your blessings. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, you probably still have a lot to feel grateful for. Find positive things in your life to focus on like your home, your friends, your children and/or your pets. Focusing on your blessings can help you put what you’re going through into perspective.
  10. Plan a getaway. There’s nothing wrong with taking a temporary break after a major life disruption. If you can’t afford a traditional vacation, visit a friend or relative for a few days for a change of scenery. You’ll come back feeling revived and ready to get back on track.

“You can’t plan for a personal crisis,” says Mbenna, “but when one shows up, you can heal from it in a healthy way. New beginnings can be beautiful things, and once you’ve dealt with whatever storm just blew through your life, there’s nothing stopping you from picking up the pieces, getting back on track, and pursuing your ambitions and dreams.”

❤,

best girls night out

PS: Have you ever had to start over? I sure have! And more than once. What is your advice to someone going through it? Please comment below.

Periwinkle? Seriously?

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

To see a larger version of this watercolor set, click on the pic. https://altenew.com/pages/about-us

First, let me start with an apology.

I’m sure by now that just about everyone on earth knows that my sister Molly and I are colorblind, so I truly apologize if you’ve heard this about a hundred times before. Yes, we know it’s weird because just 1 in 200 women are born that way. But that is not what this blog post is about.

It’s about something that I find completely annoying, and I would venture a guess that my sisters out there with perfect color vision are annoyed by this, too. Or, maybe not. You tell me.

Here’s the thing. Typically, I don’t go clothing shopping alone because I can’t trust myself to put together a properly color-coordinated outfit. Ignore the fact that the stores put color-coordinated outfits together on those svelte mannequins because that’s not the way I dress. I’m more of a fabulous-flowy-top-from-Aenigma girl, with a skirt from Steel Pony and a scarf from Kohl’s.

And that’s where I get into trouble. Not only can’t I tell the difference between green and brown and blue and purple, it becomes pretty much impossible to shop because I can’t seem to make sense of what stores are naming their colors!

Would somebody tell me what color Rainy River is? Or how about Surf the Web? I am not making these names up. And how about Asphalt? I don’t even know what color asphalt is, so how is that supposed to identify the color family in which it lives?

Just for kicks, I decided to check out some retail color names, and here is just a sampling of what I found: Storm Haze. Palm Waters. Otter. Hazy Night. Polar Lake. Heavy Lead. Dusty. Bridge. Quail. Pristine. Rainstorm. Casper. Space Rock. Egret. Foundation. Fresh Air. Quiet Fairy. Ocean Abyss. Light Moon. Pebble. Varsity. House Stark. Dark Pepper. Rainy Day. Sparkling.

Just let that sink in.

What I find utterly absurd (and completely annoying) is Periwinkle. Is it blue? Is it purple? In this house, my two color advisors can’t seem to agree. So where does that leave me?

And it’s not just Periwinkle! Can you tell me what color Midnight is? Is it black? Is it very dark blue? Or how about Teal? Is it blue? Is it green? I think you know where I’m going with this.

Many years ago, my very dapper cousin Len designed a sophisticated system that I can only explain as Adult Garanimals. Len’s an attorney, and always leaves the house impeccably dressed and perfectly coordinated. His system works because you won’t find men’s clothing in colors like: Limoges, Castlerock, Sailor Gulf, Bright Celadon, Valen River, Midnight Jam, Poseidon, Sawyer Stream, Crayton Cove, Waterfall Lagoon, Alaskan Night, or Bartel River.

Oh. Wait. I got those names from the men’s clothing department.

Seriously.

❤,

best girls night out

PS: Can you take a stab at what some of those colors really are? I would love to hear your opinions! Just comment in the section below.

You look Mah-velous! But how do you feel?

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

In the 80s, on “Saturday Night Live,” Billy Crystal made famous this observation: “It’s not how you feel, it’s how you look, and you look “Mah-velous.”

Funny, right?

But Billy got it wrong. At least according to Becky Ready Ph.D. of the American Board of Professional Psychology. “Feeling younger than one’s biological age is sign of health,” says Dr. Ready in her July 9, 2018 article in Psychology Today. “And it predicts lower mortality, positive expectations, and better cognitive abilities. Thus, feeling younger means doing better.”

I sought out and read that article after asking my usual “Question of the Day” on Franks and Beans’ closed Facebook Group, South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun.

My question was, “How old do you feel? And if you’re okay with it, tell us how old you are.”

Never expecting women to actually give their ages, I was really surprised that they did! I am including their very inspiring comments, below, but am not using their names in order to preserve their anonymity.

So, how old do YOU feel?

I’m 52. Since I’ve never been this age before, I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like, so I have no complaints about feeling 52! I think how we feel is not so much a reflection of age but of attitude and life lived.

 (NOTE: This respondent is referring to a project that she lovingly and successfully spearheaded to honor her deceased mother-in-law): I am 38, but after completing that Chemo Comfort Bag project yesterday, I feel like I’m 88. I’m not used to days and hours of physical labor.

 53. And I love my age and I love life; it’s amazing. After yesterday, I am emotionally tired. But still, life is amazing.

I am 44 and feel 16!!!💕

I will be 62 next week and I feel like 31. I’m joyful, and forever learning!!

Depends on the day and circumstances.

 It depends on the day, how I’m feeling and what I’m doing. Some days I feel like I’m 21, other days I feel like I’m 81. I’m actually 58.

 I am 60 and some days I feel much older; when my knees and hips creak and my mind goes into CRS mode (Can’t Remember Shit). Then, blessedly, there are days when I feel like I am in my 20s, rambunctious and wild-woman-esque. Not that those two states are mutually exclusive.

 Some days I feel 35, some days 70, LOL. I turn 50 this year.

 I am 58 but age is a state of mind. 👍 Some days I feel older (depending on the weather), LOL😊

 I’m 48. Mentally, I feel 28 and physically, I feel 88! I’ve had Arthritis since I was 8 in my right knee and now it’s in a lot more places.

I’m going to be 69 in March, and most days feel 40, if not younger! I consider myself very blessed. I had bariatric surgery almost 8 years ago, lost 145 pounds, and many health issues were resolved. I have a “New Lease” on life now.

46. I feel….46. LOL!

I’m 35. Mentally I feel my age but physically I feel 60 considering I’ve already had two spinal surgeries and have arthritis, LOL.

I feel great! I will be 53 in March. I survived two bouts of advanced stage ovarian cancer & beat the statistics & am still alive to tell about it!! Over 8 years in remission!! My daughter was 13 when I was first diagnosed in 2007 – I was determined to beat it! I have a strong faith in God & it wasn’t my time yet! This is why I love the song, “Live like you are dying.” I took trips & did things I never would have done had I not been faced with cancer! All we have is today, so make it the best day you can! Don’t waste the days worrying about the past or future! Stay in the moment!! God Bless Us All!! 🙏🏻💕

 I feel fantastic. I’m in my 62nd year of life. Age is a state of mind and I feel different ages depending on who I’m with and what I’m doing. I’ve been diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease called PBC and not giving up any time soon. Don’t stop moving. Exercise daily. Feed your body only pure, unprocessed foods in moderate portions. Great question for SJ Girls!

 I don’t feel a day over 50 and I am 72. I go to the gym every day, take spin, Pilates, QueenX and walk 3-5 miles a day. We travel, and we have been married 50 years. Where has the time gone? 😊

 I’m 57, feel like I’m in my 30s, and will never “act my age” to make other people happy.

 I was 65 in June. Still feel 50, Ha! I can still attend those Eagles games and cheer like a rock star. Go Birds! 🦅🦅🦅

 This is a great question! I turn 58 on Jan 22nd. Somedays I feel great, like I’m 30 years old again. And then there are the days I feel mentally and physically much older. Those days are getting better, however.

 I’m 61…never had aches or pains…except after weight lifting! It would be 3-4 days of sore muscles. Now that I’m using HGH gel, I’m only sore for maybe a day…face is looking younger, too!

 l am 64, but feel 30 years younger. Thanks to beginning a regime of regularly working out about 20 years ago, l can do things physically that l couldn’t do in my 30s. I am on no prescription medication and except for carpal tunnel from decades on a computer, have no medical issues. I just wish my mirror would reflect what’s in my mind.

I’m about to be 51, and am always proud to admit it, as I’ve worked hard to look this good at my age. Healthy diet, yoga, a good attitude, and lots of moisturizer!

So how old are you? How old do you feel? Please comment below. But you don’t have to give your age if you don’t want to. 😊

❤

best girls night out

The Empty Chair

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

 

I wrote “The Empty Chair” for the December 2005 issue of my magazine, Girlfriendz. I have since heard the term used, but from my quick research, I see that I used it first. (Insert a smug emoji here) This was my “Letter from the Editor” that year, and having read it again today, it is as fresh and current as when I wrote it 13 years ago. I have updated the numbers and put them in parentheses. This year will be our 40th.  (Insert “Wow” emoji here)

 

The Empty Chair

Photo source: @ArtsyVibes on Unsplash

In the spring, at Passover, there is an empty chair at the Seder table. There’s also an additional, full cup of wine on the table. They’re there for the Prophet Elijah, who visits everyone’s Seder. Each year we hope this will be the one when Elijah announces the coming of the Messiah. There’s a point in the service when we go to the front door and open it for him. My daughter has finally figured out that when she comes back to the table and finds his empty cup of wine, it’s either my husband or my brother-in-law Martin who has chugged it down, and not Elijah.

In December, though our family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, we join our honorary family who does. Every Christmas Eve, we come to The Qs, arms loaded with presents. And when we leave, our arms are loaded even heavier with presents. But Christmas Eve has never been about the presents. It’s always been about who is there to celebrate with us.

The Empty ChairThis year will be my 27th (40th) year to celebrate with this extraordinary family. It will be my husband’s 31st (39th). Along the way, we were joined by my parents, sister, brother-in-law (the one who switches off chugging the wine with my hubby), and nephew and our “adopted” sister/aunt, Phyllis. Twenty-two years ago (30 years ago), our son came onboard and 13 years ago (21 years ago), our daughter.

All was joyous until one year (2001), one chair became empty. My mom’s. That was a very difficult Christmas. Even more difficult was the year my dad’s chair became empty (2004), not just because his was the Special Chair but because it was one more chair that was vacated (and because we’d always enjoy his broad smiles when our dear “NeNeNa” would present him with his own personal homemade lasagna to take home—just one of her many gifts to him.)

This year (2005), there’s going to be another empty chair.

The Empty ChairJust this week, the Qs—our honorary family—lost Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary was lively, funny, fun-loving—and just plain loving—and a fixture at Christmas Eve. This year, her chair will be empty, and we’re all wondering what Christmas Eve is going to feel like.

Yesterday was Aunt Mary’s funeral. My cherished friend (the one who brought us into the Q Family), gave the eulogy. She spoke of everything that made Aunt Mary special. And she shared lots of stories—or at least the ones she could share inside a church. And it got me thinking about empty chairs.

I realized that empty chairs are never really empty when they are full of the precious memories created with the dear ones who occupied them.

Happy holidays to you and your family, and to the special people with whom you celebrate.

♥,

best girls night out

 

 

PS: On behalf of the Franks & Beans Family, Molly & Martin, Kim & Bruce, Linda & Marvin, Stan, Jardin & me, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanzaa, and our wish that you receive all good things in 2019.

Reiki: How do you say it? And how does it help?

One person administering Reiki, while another person receives it. It is helpful to both of them!

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Most of us have heard of Reiki (pronounced Ray-Key), but maybe we don’t know exactly what it is. And it’s hard to describe, unless you’ve experienced it. But even then, it’s hard to define.

I have experienced it and I still can’t explain it, other than when it was over it felt like I’d woken up from a nice, long nap. But instead of waking up cranky, I felt great!

But Reiki is so much more than that. So, I asked two Reiki Practitioners to shed some light on this ancient holistic phenomenon: Bridget Papagno, aka the Essential Lightworker, a Reiki Master, and Karen Drosnes, Reiki Level II Practitioner,  owner of Soul Connection Holistic Coaching.

Tobi Schwartz-Cassell: What is Reiki?

Bridget Papagno, Reiki Master and owner of Essential Lightworker

Bridget Papagno: Reiki is one of the holistic techniques used to help reduce stress and promote relaxation and healing. We conduct the healing by “laying on hands,” which is based on the idea that “life force energy” flows through us.
Karen Drosnes: Life force energy is what keeps us alive. If a person’s life force energy is low, she or he is more likely to get sick or feel stressed. If it’s high, that person is more capable of being healthy and happy.

TSC: Is Reiki like a massage in that you have to remove your clothes?
KD: No. When coming in for a Reiki treatment, you remain fully clothed. But just like massage, you can lay on a table or sit in a chair.

TSC: What can a client expect when she or he comes to you for the first time?
BP: The Reiki practitioner will place their hands on parts of your body—with your permission, of course!—while sending intentions of love and healing to you. She or he will channel Reiki energy to you through their palm chakras.
KD: It’s possible that you might notice sensations where the practitioner’s hands are. People often do. Heat and subtle movement can also be felt, sometimes. Or, you may notice that areas of your body become more open, and feel more comfortable. If you came in with pain, it will likely diminish, and possibly disappear.
BP: But keep in mind, that no matter where the Reiki practitioner’s hands are, no matter how relaxed that light contact might make you feel, the most important benefit of Reiki healing is what’s happening inside your body. And that’s the best part, because that’s where your body remembers what it knows best—how to heal itself.

TSC: Are there any dangers in receiving Reiki?
BP: There are no known risks, and Reiki has been practiced for at least 3,000 years! There is no known danger associated with it. But as with everything, you need to check out anyone you’re considering going to for any Energy healing, whether it’s Reiki, acupuncture, acupressure or massage. Not every practitioner is right for you, and that’s okay!
KD: You need to be comfortable with someone you are allowing to work in your energy, so you will receive the most out of your treatment. Also important for you to know is that Reiki is not a religion or specific spiritual belief system. It’s open to all energy, meaning everyone—humans, pets and even objects!

Karen Drosnes, Reiki Level II Practitioner, owner of Soul Connection Holistic Coaching

TSC: What are the benefits of Reiki?
BP: Reiki promotes health and wellbeing by assisting with pain management, encouraging mental clarity, releasing stress, relieving depression, and reducing anxiety.
KD: It also aids relaxation, improves sleep, soothes digestion, strengthens self-esteem, heightens self-awareness and intuition, and even offers support for substance abuse recovery.

TSC: What do you, as a Reiki Practitioner, get out of it?
KD: Being of service to others is my purpose here on Earth as a Light Being. As I assist others in their healing process, I too receive healing of the mind, body and Soul and we all have something to heal from. My heart fills with joy when others receive just what they need to live a more healthy and fulfilling life.
BP: What I get out of giving Reiki is healing and joy. I am a channel for the energy, so it flows through me, to you. Witnessing people leave my office feeling lighter, relaxed and in less discomfort, warms my heart EVERY TIME.  Watching them experience their own body’s ability to heal is amazing. I truly appreciate every client who allows me to help them help themselves.

TSC: What is a Reiki Share?
BP: Rather than one-on-one practice, we come together in community. We gather for an evening of well-intentioned people, joyfully and carefully using healing energy! Everyone there has a chance to both give and receive Reiki. No experience is required. Depending on how many people are present, everyone usually spends about 8-15 minutes on the table and the rest of the time offering to others. You will get Reiki from a whole bunch of people at once. (Click here for Bridget’s Reiki Share schedule)

TSC: What can someone expect to pay for a Reiki session?
Both Karen and Bridget agreed that the cost of a session in our area ranges between $60 and $130 per hour.

Readers, have you ever had Reiki? Would you recommend it to a friend? Do you administer Reiki? If so, what are your thoughts about it? I’d love to know you think of Reiki, so please comment below.

Hope to see you at our Dec 6 Women’s Shopping Expo! Bridget and Karen will both be there! It’s FREE but you MUST register. Click here for the info.

Click here for info on Bridget Papagno

Click here for info on Karen Drosnes

❤
best girls night out

Another one is just around the corner

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Some of us are happy to say ‘so long’ to the heat, humidity and frizzy hair of summer. Others, like me, approach the end of summer with dread, and the only way I can bear it is knowing that there’s another one just around the corner.

Not that I love living through 90-degree days. I just know how blessed I am to be able to hide out in my air-conditioned apartment when the going gets tough.

What I will miss is the freedom. The freedom to leave the house with wet hair, toss on easy-breezy clothes (not in that order) and eat food from an outdoor grill. But mostly, I hate the cold.

Hate.

It.

Among my friends, I’m in the minority. They love the crisp weather, colorful leaves, pumpkin-flavored coffees, blah…blah…blah…

So, I turned to my 950+ friends in our Franks & Beans’ Facebook Group—South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun—and asked, “Are you happy to see summer end?” And, as always, they came through.

In the “I’ll Miss Summer” Camp:

  • KW: “Not happy. Life circumstances shortened my time to enjoy the summer. I also don’t enjoy less daylight. Let’s rewind at least 4 weeks, take out rain and humidity, and have the temp at 85 or below.”
  • CP: “No, I love the hot weather. I am, however, tired of the humidity, rain (devastated my garden tomatoes) and uneven temperatures. I hate snow, cold, and especially ice!”
  • MM: “No. I do love fall weather, but I’m always sad when summer ends, kids go back to school, and crazy activities start again.”
  • MR-C: “No, because it means winter is on the way ☹.”
  • SFK: “No. I hate the cold weather. I love long days and warm weather.”
  • JCK: “I miss seeing my grandchildren whenever I want.”
  • JW: “Never happy to see it end!!! Love being able to walk outside as you are–flip flops, shorts etc. Hate being bundled up, (sweaters, coats), am so happy not wearing shoes and socks, and most of all don’t enjoy being cold. And it gets dark early. The fall depresses me. Give me long days of sunshine and heat! Another summer perk-local summer produce!” (Note from Tobi: YES, YES, YES! 😘)
  • LH: “No I love the warm weather, long summer nights. It always seems like there is more time to do things at night after work.”
  • LAG: “I would’ve enjoyed the summer more if it hadn’t been so humid this past season. However, I do like longer days, not looking forward to cold weather.”
  • SR: “No. I know that the shorter days are coming after summer ends.”
  • EAW: “I for one am not happy to see summer end. I can’t tolerate the cold or snow anymore. I hate it, don’t want to deal with it at all.”
  • LSY: “Love summer at the beach!”
  • RLS: “Never want to see it end. I’m a beach person and I look forward to it all year.”
  • MD: “No. Don’t want the cold weather yet.”
  • GMG: “Noooooo…I love summer!”
  • PP: “Summers are just too short! I love the long, lazy, crazy days- nothing like daylight til 9pm. Keeps me motivated to get things done with time left to just enjoy. And then there’s the beautiful blue ocean, the refreshing scent of the salt water, and the sandy beaches. Need I say more?”
  • NH: “No, as I was away most of the summer and would love some beach time. September is supposed to be lovely. I’m counting on it.”

And those who are happy to see the summer end:

  • SB: “Yes. I am tired of the heat!”
  • CD: “Yes. I hate heat and humidity.”
  • SC: “Yes! Love cool weather!”
  • MK: “Me too!”
  • JC: “Cool weather begins, holidays are rolling around the corner, the atmosphere is calmer and fun. Sweaters, long pants, scarves and beautiful colors.”
  • BT: “I love the fall colors and cool breezes and opening the windows.”
  • JP: “Fall is my favorite season! I love the gorgeous changing leaves, the cooler, more breathable air, the lack of mosquitoes, which love me so, Halloween and Thanksgiving, and the promise of new beginnings. However, what I do lament is how quickly the season went and that we didn’t do more “summery” things like go to the boardwalk. I only went to the beach once. But, I must admit I love Fall on the beach because it’s less crowded, more comfortable and we can let the dogs run free!”
  • MRD: “Fall is my favorite season though I do love the warm weather, but not this summer. Did not enjoy it and unfortunately, due to some health issues with my husband, we were not able to do much of anything this summer. Hoping and praying for better days ahead.”
  • MP: “Yep! I’m ready for fall colors and Halloween decorations!”
  • MM: “No more bugs! Also the air conditioning in my car is broken. Not looking forward to shoveling snow though.”
  • DH: “Yes! I know I’m in the minority but I love a crisp fall day! Burning my apple candles, sleeping with the windows open, and pot roast!”
  • BWU: “Yes! Fall is the best. Not a big fan of heat and humidity.”
  • LB: “As I’ve gotten older, the change in seasons has gotten more bittersweet … I’m always glad to see Spring and I’m equally sad to realize there’s one less Winter in front of me.”
  • RSI: “Love swimming in our pool….love wearing flip flops….do not love heat and humidity….do not love bugs (of any kind, except maybe butterflies and ladybugs)…..love fall crisp weather….love the Jewish High Holidays, Halloween and Thanksgiving….SO….yes I am ready to move ahead to fall!”

A different perspective from a Florida Girl who used to be a South Jersey Girl:

  • AR: “Not happy to see summer end because of the snow birds who show for the winter. Yes, happy to see summer end because the heat will leave soon, I hope.”

And then there are three women who summed it up for all of us:

  • MC: “I love summer but that being said, I’m looking forward to refreshing, breathable weather. The heat and humidity were off the charts this year. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons. Fall and winter not so much.”
  • PQ: “I miss the longer hours of sunlight and the feeling of freedom, but I’m OK with fall coming (but NOT winter).”
  • KT: “Yes and no. I like it warm, beach, pool, pretty gardens, lightweight clothing. Really dislike HUMIDITY!!! Like the cool of fall, pretty leaves. Winter stinks!”

Thank you to everyone who answered. And if you didn’t get the chance, I’d love to know your thoughts: Are you going to miss summer? Why? Simply comment below.

See you in the fall!

❤
best girls night out

Just Sayin’: That’s a lot of Cabbage

By Dawn Watson, Guest Blogger,
Authordawnowatson@gmail.com 

I grew up poor. Not homeless poor, but the kind of poor where I had to start working when I was 14 to contribute to the household. It’s just how it was.

My mother had to look for bargains everywhere, including the grocery store. We clipped coupons until our fingers were calloused, looked for sales and substituted cheaper ingredients than what recipes called for. I was 18 before I realized you were expected to add hamburger to Hamburger Helper in order to complete the dish.

I packed my lunch bag with cheese ends and bologna ends between slices of expired bread and took a knife with me to cut the worms out of my over-ripe apple. For supper, we had unlabeled cans of food and ate whatever was in them; they were cheaper because shoppers had to guess their contents, which was fun for us, imagining what was in them.

The one item we could eat to our heart’s content was cabbage and boy, did we eat a lot of it! Boiled, boiled then fried, boiled then fried with bologna ends, in soups, with a dab of mayonnaise as a salad, grated with a dab of mayo for coleslaw. Our house forever smelled of cabbage.

I’ve always had a bad stomach and I remember how I suffered from “Cabbage Overload” even as a kid. My entrance into a room was usually followed by the question, “What in the world is that smell?” It’s cabbage, Dude.

I stopped eating the stuff when I nabbed my first boyfriend because I didn’t want the house (or me) to stink. My mother was upset but I was anorexic by then so it didn’t really matter what she made—I wasn’t going to eat it. Besides, I had a pretty decent part-time job so I could buy the groceries and watch happily as she chowed down on roast beef and fried chicken with fresh vegetables.

My boyfriend loved fast food and would sometimes bring over bags of McDonald’s hamburgers and French fries and we’d all sit there gorging ourselves. I’d stop eating for two or three days after that to maintain my figure but boy, those binges were awesome! And not a cabbage leaf in sight!

Years later, whenever my Irish husband requested corned beef and cabbage I would make idle promises and then ‘forget’ to make it.

On our 15th wedding anniversary, we decided to go to a fancy French restaurant to celebrate. The waiters were polished, the background music was romantic, and my husband, who had been taking language lessons from a taped program, ordered from the menu in French.

“Choux farci, s’il vous plait,” he told the waiter. I was impressed.

The wine flowed and we flirted with one another shamelessly until our waiter returned, balancing two cloches. He served Madame first, whisking off the cloche as though unveiling a masterpiece.

My smile faded as I caught a whiff of a familiar smell.

“What is this?” I asked him.

“Choux farci, Madame,” he replied airily. “Stuffed cabbage.”

My husband watched intently as I took my first bite. “Good?” he asked. “I know you don’t like cooking it so I thought it would be fun to have someone else make it for us.”

I had never told him about my cabbage-laced history and therefore knew he was innocent of any prank. I must admit that the dish was good, the evening was wonderful, and it ended with us dancing to C’est Si Bon sung by Yves Montand, after dinner as it was broadcast by speakers in the parking lot.

Both my husband and my mother are gone, now and occasionally I buy a head of cabbage and cook it up just like my mother used to. The smell is no longer repulsive; it’s nostalgic, part of the store of my fondest memories, along with clipping coupons and thrifty shopping.

And sometimes when I’m grocery shopping I buy a few unlabeled cans, just for the fun of it.

PS from Tobi: Can you relate to Dawn’s story? Tell us yours in the comment section below.

Dawn Watson is the author of nine books, writes for her blog “Just Sayin'” and for a local newspaper. She has two adult children, is a dog trainer and owner of Brother of the Wolf since 2008, is a service dog trainer, and was widowed in 2011. Contact Dawn at Authordawnowatson@gmail.com.

Bruce, Billy or Mick?

by Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Bruce SpringsteenSo, who do you like best? Springsteen, Joel or Jagger?

This was my latest poll question on my new Facebook Group, South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun.

Our members’ answers were sassy, fun and fervent. Especially those who are hardcore fans of their own cherished music man.

Read on for their answers, then take a guess at who won. The answer might surprise you. But no peeking yet!

In the Bruce camp, we received answers like:
  • SR: “Baby, I Was Born to Run…”
  • CAD: “Springsteen, no question.”
  • BR: “Springsteen, as if there was another option!!!”
  • KKH: “Springsteen…Born in the USA!!!!”
  • MD: “The Boss, of course.”
  • WL: “Springsteen because he uses my name in one of his songs!!! 😊 (Born to Run)”

And then there are those who appeared to be cheering him on as if he were a racehorse nearing the finish line:

  • PQ: “Come on. Bruuuuuuce.”
  • RHR: “C’mon…Bruce!”

On second thought, PQ didn’t’ use exclamation points, so maybe she is saying, “Come on. It’s Bruce. As if there is any other? (eye roll)”

But my absolute favorite response is from EAW: “Springsteen for sure. A man who admits he’s from New Jersey and is proud of it.”

Ardent Billy Joel fans love him unconditionally, but weren’t quite as…shall we say…exuberant as the Springsteen fans:

  • TGB: “My sister would kill me for not picking Bruce, but definitely Bill Joel.”
  • AKN: “Joel for me.”
  • PL: “Joel…or Bust!!!”
  • KBK: “Joel. The answer is always Joel.”
  • JP: “Give me the Piano Man!!! ❤”
  • GF: “…Billy, because who needs a house out in Hackensack?! 😊”
  • To which JP chimed in: “Is that all you get for your money? 🎹🎼🎷”
  • BP: “Joel. Only Billy Joel from that list.”
  • ESH: “Joel for sure!!”

And Jagger, still has the swagger. None of his fans needed anything more than his first or last name:

  • RZS: Mick
  • MG: Jagger
  • FCI: Jagger
  • GCR: Jagger
  • MRD: “Jagger!! Love him!!!”
  • ALE: “Jagger…pleased to meet you, hope you get my name…”

Have you guessed who won the poll yet?

Here are a couple of other stand-out answers (though one, a bit morbid):

  • KM: “Ok…totally throwing myself into the lion’s den…I do not care for any of them…go easy on me…LOL!” JP was able to tease an answer out of her. KM: “…from that genre, I’m a Frampton fan. It’s funny, I like a lot of different music and artists, but those three (Bruce, Billy and Mick) are literally my least favorites…hahaha!”
  • JTL: “None anymore… Jagger is over 70, Joel is an old father twice over, and Springsteen needs a new look… I am horrible. After a while old is simply old. We are headed there.” But DM-F saves the day: “Some of us already are, but in my opinion, age is nothing but a number…especially if you have the moves like Jagger 🎵🎤🕴”
  • KD: “Definitely a toss-up between Jagger and the Boss! Jagger has a swag like no other and Bruce is well… THE BOSS!”
  • SB: “Bon Jovi! LMBO!” (Laughing My Butt Off)

So, have you guessed the winner?

It’s Billy Joel. He edged out Bruce by 7 votes.

Who’s my favorite from this list? Billy Joel. And I promise, Bruce and Mick fans, I did not vote. My true fave was not on this list. It’s James Taylor. 💕 💞 💓 💗 💖

If you haven’t weighed in with your answer, please comment below, or go to South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun and join us, then tell us who makes your heart sing.

❤,

No More Mean Girls, No More Blue Bloomers

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

no more blue bloomersMany of you know about my new Facebook Group called South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun. It’s an amazing group of women of all ages who hang out, boost each other’s confidence, ask for and give advice, and share a few giggles. Each weekday, I ask a question and the incredible members of the group give me the most fun and thoughtful answers.

The other day, I asked, “What’s the weirdest thing you wore in high school?” Overwhelmingly the answer was those ugly, awful blue gym suits. Wow. That took me back. My answer was, “Peter Max bell bottoms and gaucho pants.” But at least when I wore those, I felt stylish and proud. When I thought back to the days I’d donned that mortifying blue bloomer gym suit, it brought me back to a painful time in my past.

You see, when I was a kid, I was skinny. Gawky. A pathetic little toothpick. Nice people would say I was lucky. But I never felt lucky. I felt scrawny and ugly.

I was at my most scrawny in gym class, wearing those ugly blue bloomers. For the girls who were built, they accentuated the positive. For me, they accentuated everything I hated about my body. Singer songwriter Janis Ian was my hero. She sang what I lived:

no more blue bloomers“To those whose names were never called
when choosing sides for basketball…”*

Throw in cystic acne and that was me.

I hated gym. I hated being one of the last two girls chosen (it was always, “Ugh. If I have to take one of them, I’ll take Cindy, you take Tobi.”). I hated showering in front of the other girls. I hated changing in front of them, too—they wore bras. I didn’t even have enough boobs to fill my undershirts. I hated being tormented by the gym teachers and taunted by the mean girls when the gym teachers weren’t looking. I hated my abdominal muscles because they’d still hurt two days after doing those relentless sit-ups. But more than anything, I hated wearing those damned blue bloomers.

The day I graduated high school was one of the happiest of my life. No one was ever going to force me to take gym again! Ha! I was finally in control of my life!

Now I’m 62. And the last word you’d use to describe me is “scrawny.” But with the added poundage came added confidence. Maybe the confidence also came from recognizing my own value as a person.

But if given the choice, I would NEVER put on one of those indescribably appallingly hideous blue gym suits ever again.

So, how about you? Did you have to wear one of those dreaded things for gym class? If not, what was the weirdest thing you wore in high school? I’d love to hear from you, so please comment below.

And be sure to check out South Jersey Girls Who Wanna Have Fun!

❤,

best girls night out

 

 

* Lyrics from “At Seventeen” written by Janis Ian, appearing on the LP Between the Lines, © Mine Music Ltd./EMI Music Publishing Japan Ltd. All rights reserved; international copyright secured.

A Cuppa Coffee…A Cuppa Tea…A Cuppa Cake

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

I am not gonna lie. I love cupcakes.

I love eating them, watching TV shows about them and writing about them.

As a matter of fact, last September, I wrote an article called, “Cupcake Wars: What Do They Do with those 1,000 Leftover Cupcakes?” I did the research on that question, and it was quite an eye-opener.

So, you can imagine how I felt when Beneficial Bank contacted me to produce a fundraiser for them, featuring the very worthy non-profit Mothers Matter, and equally spotlighting cupcake decorating! Ruth Scott of Cupcakes by Ruth is going to give me (and everyone else) two cupcakes and all stuff we’ll need to decorate them and I’m going to feel just like I’m on Cupcake Wars! And so will you!

Ruth will lead us in decorating two “down the shore” cupcakes, complete with edible seashells and mermaid tails. I can hardly contain myself. But it won’t be fun unless you’re there.

Tickets start at $30, but the price goes up at 11:59pm on May 9, so hurry! Click here for all the info on this event.

I honestly don’t know if I am more excited about decorating those cupcakes…or eating them. Wait a minute. I know. I am MOST excited about raising funds for Mothers Matter.

Hope to see you there. 😊

♥,
best girls night out

Does Your Name Reveal Your Age and Profession?

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Does your name reveal your age

If your name is Diana, Jessica or Vanessa, you might be a graphic designer. (Source: Verdant Labs)

Does your name reveal your age? Or your profession?

You bet it does!

If you’re a Baby Boomer Woman, chances are your name is not Emma, Isabella, Charlotte or Harper. Because those are among the Top 10 names for baby girls born in 2016.

In fact, the Social Security Office has kept track of all the baby girl and boy names from the 1880s to the 2010s. That’s how I know that the following are the Top 10 baby girl names from the 1950s:

  1. Mary
  2. Linda
  3. Patricia
  4. Susan
  5. Deborah
  6. Barbara
  7. Debra
  8. Karen
  9. Nancy
  10. Donna

The list above comes from a larger list of the Top 200 girls’ and boys’ names from the 1950s.

Baby girl names of the 60s changed. Kind of. Here’s that Top 10:

  1. Lisa
  2. Mary
  3. Susan
  4. Karen
  5. Kimberly
  6. Patricia
  7. Linda
  8. Donna
  9. Michelle
  10. Cynthia

They even provide a way to tell the most popular names by your state and birth year!

Here are the Top 10 baby girl names for the State of New Jersey in 1988:

  1. Jessica
  2. Ashley
  3. Amanda
  4. Nicole
  5. Jennifer
  6. Stephanie
  7. Lauren
  8. Melissa
  9. Danielle
  10. Samantha

Verdant Labs, creator of an app for baby name research, has tapped pubic records to produce a chart entitled, Top Disproportionately Common Names by Profession. (A tiny version of this is pictured above). Professions on the chart run the gamut from photographer, geologist and football coach to librarian, meteorologist and journalist.

Now that I brought those to your attention, here are the top:

  • Photographer names: Hugo, Bruno & Zoe (I did not make that up)
  • Geologist names: Leonard, William & Frederick (I expected to see Ross on that list, but didn’t)
  • Football coach names: Dan, Mike & Rich (Not one woman on that list)
  • Librarian names: Eleanor, Abigail & Margot (Not one man on that list)
  • Meteorologist names: Mike, Scott & Jeff
  • Journalist names: Jonah, Gideon & Alastair (Again, I did not make this up)

So, if your name is Billy, Joey or Mickey, you might be a drummer.

And if your name is Patricia, Lori or Raymond, you could be a hairstylist.

Or if your name is Constance, Penelope or Stella, maybe you are a social worker.

And, if you’re in your 50s, you may have gone through school with at least one Kimberly, Michelle or Cynthia.

And if you’re in your 40s, you may have played hopscotch or Barbies with at least one Amy, Heather or Nicole.

So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Well, if you want to hide your age, you’d better change your name. And if you’re hoping your future child becomes a judge, consider naming him Josiah, Archibald or Rufus, and not Eddie, Tom or Ben. Because if you do, he might just become a stuntman, and then you’ll never stop worrying.

♥,

best girls night out

 

 

 

PS: Does your name match up with any of the professions? Check out a larger, readable version of the “Top Disproportionately Common Names by Profession” chart, and then tell us in the comment section below.

PPS: If you want to play the Social Security name game, click here.

PPPS: If you enjoyed this blog post, please consider sharing it on social media! Here’s the link to use: https://www.franksandbeans.net/does-your-name-reveal-your-age-or-profession/. Thank you!

How do they name storms? And why do I care?

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

When Franks & Beans Team Member Kim Konefsky told me the name of the March 21st snowstorm, I thought she was joking. But the joke, as it turned out, was on me. Literally.

The name of the winter storm that caused the postponement of our March 21st event is Toby.

It got me thinking. How are storms named? And who names them? As it turns out, winter storms are named by The Weather Channel.

But according to the National Hurricane Center’s National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, naming rights for tropical storms and hurricanes is given to an international committee of the United Nations’ World Meteorological Organization.

So why do I care?

When someone names a storm after you, you want to know how and why.

Anyway, unlike me, the storm named for me has turned out to be a real pain in the neck. Let me offer a brief explanation. The winter storm that preceded Toby was Skyler, and the one before Skyler was Riley. It was Riley who caused us to postpone our March 7th event. To remedy this, we rolled March 7th into our March 21st event because, well, what could go wrong?

Now we know. We had to, once again, postpone our March 7th and 21st events, and reschedule them for April 19.

(It doesn’t snow in April, right?)

And one more thing. Hey, Weather Channel. I have a bone to pick with you. I had to wait a long time for a storm to be named for me, and you got the spelling wrong. My mom was very specific in how she wanted my name to be spelled. #SeeMyBirthCertificate

Okay. That rant felt good. I hope to see you on April 19th!

(It doesn’t snow in April, right?)

♥,

best girls night out

 

PS: Has a storm ever been named for you? If so, which one? Please share your answer in the comments below.

PPS: Check out our twice-postponed event. Did I mention it’s been rescheduled for April 19?

........(c) Franks & Beans LLC 2019
Skip to toolbar