I’m Laying it on the Line
By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell
The time has come to lay it on the line. Some of you will agree with me, some will not. Some might consider unsubscribing from my newsletter, though I truly hope they don’t.
Others will be so pleased, they might share this post on Facebook. I truly hope they do!
Okay. Here goes…
Our daughter has introduced us to the many colors of the LGBTQIA+ community (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersexed, Agender, Asexual, and Ally). Through her, Stan and I have met and enjoyed many dinners and much laughter with people who are transgender, non-binary, asexual, pansexual, and the list goes on. (Click here to see an 11-page list of terms created by Eli R. Green and Eric N. Peterson at the LGBT Resource Center at University of California, Riverside. This document does not list gender non-binary, but this document is an excellent resource to help us understand and respect non-binary people.)
Gender identity and sexual preference has never been black and white. In the 70s when I was in high school and college, my friends and I may not have known a gender non-binary person, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t any in our midst. All we knew was there were gay people and straight people, and they were either men or women. That was the extent of it.
As we aged into adulthood, we became more enlightened. We went with it; others didn’t. And over time, gay life and gay rights have become yet another reality that divides this country, but in my opinion, shouldn’t.
In 2015, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage, but believe it or not, that spurred dissension among–of all people–some gay rights leaders. At 88, Martin Duberman, a Stonewall historian and recipient of many awards for his work, believes the gay rights movement has gone off the rails, and become too conservative. As a sexual liberation pioneer of the 70s, he was never enamored with same-sex marriage, because he saw it as conformist. In his recently released book, “Has the Gay Movement Failed?” he laments that “what has been most innovative” about the gay lifestyle may be “abandoned or wholly concealed” by the focus on marriage and fitting in.
My point is that just as we’re starting to understand all the alternatives, more alternatives continue to come to light. As one of my dearest friends said to me yesterday, “It seems to me that so much is open and available to kids today that…it’s like having a smorgasbord, when you’ve never even sampled any of the foods before.”
This makes LGBTQIA+ life a life-long-learning process. But if you think about it, pretty much everything in life, in all its aspects—good, neutral and bad—is a constant life-long-learning process.
Being so lucky to have the opportunity to get to know so many in the LGBTQIA+ community, Stan and I have found that when you get right down to it, people are people, and gender identity and sexual preference just don’t matter. Same with race, religion and nationality. When you strip it all away, we are all the same—human. And every single one of us deserves happiness, security and love.
❤,
PS: Where do you stand on LGBTQIA+ rights? Are you confused by all the possibilities and terms? Are you a “live and let live” person? Or do you wish things would just get “back to normal?” Please share your comments below, whether you agree or disagree with me. TIA (Thanks in advance. I know! So many acronyms! 😊)
June 30, 2019 @ 9:28 pm
Thank you everyone for expressing your opinions. I am open to hearing all points of view. I am especially happy that my references came in handy.
Note to Peg Wilson: There were unsubscribes. 😉
June 30, 2019 @ 9:11 pm
Great information Tobi. I’m not really sure how I feel about it honestly. I just know that people are people and everyone deserves to experience love in their own way. The one thing that I’m pretty sure about is that it’s not a choice. Thank you for sharing your views and the information. Only close minded people would unsubscribe because you expressed your opinion. We need to stop labeling people.
June 29, 2019 @ 9:40 am
I am in agreement with your beliefs. I have a trans cousin who was always “off or odd” through out her life. At 50 he started the process to become “she” and is the happiest she has been. But the story continues. She is a lesbian. But I too always think be who you are. It’s extremely upsetting to hear closed-minded chatter. Keep up the good work.
June 27, 2019 @ 1:06 pm
No selfishness or hatred. We are all lovingly created and deserve love and respect:
Straight/gay, the disabled/the able, those born/and those yet to be born!
Love above all, towards all!
June 25, 2019 @ 1:33 pm
Beautiful! Thank you
June 25, 2019 @ 11:27 am
Who we love & acceptance is a beautiful idea for your post. We are all just people roaming the Earth seeking acceptance, love and happiness. Well done!
June 25, 2019 @ 11:05 am
A very well written and thoughtful piece! My cousin is gay and is a Doctor of Psychology helping the LGBTQIA+ community in Florida. I am so glad that people are becoming more open minded and learning about the community. We have come so far but have far to go! Thank you for writing the story!
June 25, 2019 @ 10:51 am
Great blog post Tobi!
June 25, 2019 @ 9:40 am
I think it takes a great amount of courage to step out of the norm. I applaud all people for personal acceptance. Thank you for sharing the information, my friend! We are here to give and receive love to all. It begins with ourselves.(Miss you!)
Katherine
June 25, 2019 @ 9:06 am
I agree although the many terms to describe I think further drive a wedge into our society because people become afraid they may offend someone. I say we drop all labels and identifiers and just BE whatever we are. Perhaps the labels help with self identification in which case that makes sense. It’s hard to know where you fit sometimes and we search for others who are like us. If I meet someone and I’m not exactly sure how they identify is it okay to ask “how do you identify?” I’m hoping that society at large will simply respect each individual and their preferences, not label, but treat with dignity. And two people who love each other should be able to marry and benefit from the societal rules around marriage like medical and financial decisions. Thank you for sharing this info and for inviting a conversation!!!
June 25, 2019 @ 8:29 am
Great article! I never could understand though why we have to identify people in so many ways. It’s kind of like hetero people being identified like ” I like it doggie style, or I like to have long hair.”…Everyone is just a person to me with all kinds of different personalities and viewpoints and sexual preferences etc… I wish we could get away from titles.
June 25, 2019 @ 7:54 am
Thank you for sharing. Great post!
I was raised by a very open minded Mom (who is 98!) who taught me from an early age everyone matters. Everyone. Whether they look like us, think like us, live like us, or not. Everyone has value and should be valued. By doing so it enriches our lives as well as others. ❤
June 25, 2019 @ 7:05 am
Great story. Growing up, my cousin who was my best friend, was gay and it just didn’t matter. He was everything to me. I lost him in the early 90’s to Aids. People are people. Who cares who they love. Live and let live.
June 25, 2019 @ 1:47 am
Lovely piece. As the parent of a child who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and who is non-binary, I have spent the last few years wrapping my head around a whole new set of terms that seem to change daily. I must admit that I still sometimes struggle with using pronouns (as a former English teacher the whole pronoun and antecedent agreement probably has been the toughest adjustment for me!)
But make a conscious decision to try and use a person’s preferred pronouns.
You are absolutely right that we all need to continue to grow and evolve…because after all, isn’t that what life’s all about?
June 24, 2019 @ 11:16 pm
We are all people. We all have the need to be loved.
June 24, 2019 @ 10:38 pm
Live and let live
We are all human
All lives matter
June 24, 2019 @ 10:37 pm
Thank you for that story Tobi. So many new terms for describing people… I recently found myself looking up the definitions so I would understand the differences. Always good when you are expanding your mind and understanding of others.
June 24, 2019 @ 10:32 pm
This is an excellent message and resource! Thank you for sharing.